Total pages in book: 247
Estimated words: 248926 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1245(@200wpm)___ 996(@250wpm)___ 830(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 248926 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1245(@200wpm)___ 996(@250wpm)___ 830(@300wpm)
I dropped the pen.
“And. . .she imagined this wedding on a roof. . .” He searched my face. “She also wanted flowers in her hair.”
Like in my. . .dream?
Kaz continued, “I think that. . .if we do this, it could be a good thing for Lunita and you. But, in the end. . .this is your wedding, not hers.”
Speechless, I looked away from him and let my view run over the blue sky. I didn’t have the language to describe how I felt. What words existed for this feeling? What response could I truly give him?
I couldn’t get mad because Lunita was me, and Kaz was accepting of the both of us. I couldn’t be happy because I felt on the outside of all of this. Never in my life had I imagined marrying Max or doing anything on a roof. In fact, the first time I had truly been on the roof was when I saw Lunita in my dream.
But, the oddest part. . .was that my heart warmed from the suggestion, and I couldn’t truly pin point why. Was Lunita inside of my body, watching this and pushing her enjoyment of the idea into my heart? Or was it my true feelings? Did I want this. . .even though I had never thought of it?
“Mysh?”
I didn’t turn to him. “When. . .I saw Lunita. . .”
“Yes.”
I gripped the side of the notebook hard. “She was dancing on the roof in a white sun dress. . .with flowers in her hair.”
Kaz scooted over and placed his hand on mine. “We do not have to talk about this, if you do not want to.”
“I need to.”
I stared at the notebook. “Part of me wants to ignore Lunita’s existence and have you. . .never say her name in my presence or even bring her up. . .”
“And the other part?”
“The other part of me. . .wants to. . .embrace her. . .this. . .” My bottom lip quivered. “Deep inside of me, I know that I can’t run from this anymore.”
“We do not have to do the roof or flowers, if you do not want to.”
My heart boomed in my ears.
Why was I terrified? What scared me so much? Was it the roof? Or was it something else?
I need to pursue this, and figure out why.
Swallowing, I raised my view to him. “If we have the wedding on the roof. . .then. . .”
He raised his eyebrows.
“Then, we do it in Harlem.”
He gave me a sad smile. “Where it all started?”
For some reason, I shivered in fear. “Yeah.”
“It is your decision.” He squeezed my hand. “I will give you time to think about this.”
“Alright.” I swallowed. “I’ll make a decision by the time we get back to Moscow.”
“Fine.”
I inhaled and then let out a long breath. “Kaz. . .you are being amazing.”
“Only because I have been in trouble a lot in Italy.” He smirked. “This is my attempt at erasing the bad with good.”
“Your accepting Paolo. . .” My eyes watered. “That means so much to me. How are you doing with him?”
He pursed his lips.
“What?”
He ran his fingers through his hair.
A soft chuckle left me. “Why are you being weird about answering?”
“Baba told me that Pavel is around us, making sure that I take care of his son.”
“Oh.”
He shrugged.
I looked around us. “Like. . .for real?”
Kaz nodded. “I think it is true.”
“Why?”
“Just trust me.”
“So. . .how do you feel about that?”
He went silent and put his gaze on Paolo playing with Harlem. Sand now covered most of my puppy. Some sand had even gotten into Paolo’s braids. They must have been rolling around in it. I would definitely have to redo his hair.
I directed my view back to Kaz. “You didn’t think that Pavel’s death would hurt so much?”
Kaz remained quiet.
Now it was my turn to squeeze his hand. “I’m always going to be here for you. It’s fine to be sad, Kaz. It is perfectly okay to properly mourn your cousin. . .your best friend. It’s even okay to feel guilt. It all would just be between you and me. That’s the benefit of having each other’s back. We love with no judgement. We hold each other when we are suffering and in pain.”
Kaz looked at me. “I love you, mysh.”
“I love you too.”
“And know that. . .wherever we have our wedding, it will be big, luxurious, and. . .”
“And?”
“It will have many lions.”
“I see you’re trying to get thrown off the roof.” I laughed.
Near the shoreline, Paolo shrieked with joy. “Baba!”
Harlem barked and rushed off in our direction. Paolo hurried after him, seashells falling from both hands.
I looked behind us.
Wearing a large sun hat, Baba stomped forward with a big bag in her hand. One of Kaz’s men carried a chair and picnic basket behind her.
When she got close, I waved. “Hey, Baba.”