Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 84002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
“Yep.” Shane started working on the car again. He didn’t know what Max was up to, but he wasn’t going to give him his full attention. “You shouldn’t be back here.”
“I came to apologize.”
No apology could make up for the years of bullying.
“What makes you think I want your apology?” He didn’t look up from what he was doing, though Max had his full attention. “Do you think I’ve been sitting around here for twelve years, waiting for the great Maxwell Sullivan to admit he’s an ass so I can get on with my life?”
“No,” he replied, “I don’t think that. I’m positive you want nothing to do with me.”
Shane met his gaze then. “And you’d be right.” He wasn’t being completely fair. There was a part of him that knew he wasn’t. He’d dealt with Jonathan so why couldn’t he deal with Max the same way and put it in the past?
Because in a strange way, it always felt different with him. After that night at my house, I saw something different in him. Something he didn’t show to anyone else. Something I always felt. Something in his eyes that none of the other guys showed.
Loneliness. Maybe even reluctant compassion.
But that couldn’t have been the case. If Max felt that way, he’d had a shitty way of showing it. Tripping him in the hallway, hiding his clothes after PE, torturing him every fucking time he worked at Lucky Rose, making bigger messes he knew Shane would have to clean, drawing a dick in ketchup, yelling “queer” at him when Shane walked down the street.
No, someone who treated another person that way couldn’t know what it was like to feel alone, because they would never put that on someone else.
So why did it feel different with Max? The ambiguous feelings he’d gotten from him made Shane even angrier and edgier, made him question things that were supposed to be black and white.
“We’re adults now. I was wrong. I hate what we did to you. I just thought….”
“You thought wrong,” Shane replied. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.”
He got to it then, but he was mad at himself for giving the guy the satisfaction of knowing his actions still bothered him after all those years. It took a moment for Max to walk away, but eventually, he did. It wasn’t until he’d heard the car drive away that Shane relaxed and breathed.
And he was pissed. Pissed at himself for letting himself react that way. Pissed at himself for feeling guilty. Pissed at himself that for a moment there, he’d felt like that helpless kid again.
He jumped when his phone rang in his pocket. He wished he could ignore it but knew it would be his mom.
“Yeah?” Shane snapped into the phone.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Nothing. I’m having a bad day. Aren’t I allowed to have a bad day too?” As soon as the words left his mouth, he wanted them back. “Fuck. I’m sorry.” It wasn’t fair for him to take his shit out on her.
“It’s okay. I just called to check in. I’ll let you get back to work, Shaney.”
“Are you sure everything is okay?” he asked.
“Yeah.” She paused. “Yeah, it’s fine.”
He made himself push Maxwell and his mom out of his head and got to work.
*
Van sat up on one of the old fire access roads and snapped another picture.
There was a partially burned couch, in what had obviously been a bonfire. Looked like the kids still came up there to party, the way they had when Van was a teenager.
When the weather was good, they’d make their way up the mountain—car after car of people, build a fire, and drink all night. That was all there’d been to do in Last Chance when they were playing sports, and they’d partied well.
He kicked a rock, walking around. When he saw a thin tree that was snapped in half, the top resting against another, he took another photo.
It wasn’t naked men, but for now it would have to do. He was sure there wouldn’t be an opportunity for that while he was in Last Chance.
Hell, he didn’t even know how long he would be there.
So far it had felt like he’d come for nothing, which he’d known was the case before he came.
But the thing was, he and his mom had had their moments. She used to enjoy reading to him and they’d laughed about each of them having a sweet tooth.
When his dad was happy, she seemed to truly want to be a real family.
When his dad was upset, she’d turned a blind eye.
Tired of sitting up there pouting, Van climbed into his car and made his way down the mountain. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected when he’d gone to see Shane. It should have been exactly what he got. He sure as hell didn’t deserve anything more than that.