Total pages in book: 138
Estimated words: 134057 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 670(@200wpm)___ 536(@250wpm)___ 447(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 134057 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 670(@200wpm)___ 536(@250wpm)___ 447(@300wpm)
Liam’s hand was tight in mine.
But he must’ve sensed my unease or maybe I squeezed back too hard because he fell out of step with the rest of the club, pulled me aside.
His hand went to my neck, eyes intent on mine, searching for something. “Peaches, you good?”
I knew the question wasn’t really ‘was I good’ overall. Because no one in this situation was good. Despite the fact that they technically won the war. The battle took casualties. Casualties that I mourned, for the first time since...ever.
I sucked in a breath. “This is the first time I’ve been at a cemetery since...” I trailed off.
He stiffened. “Since my funeral,” he finished for me. Pain saturated his voice. And blame. Blame I knew he was pointing toward himself. “Fuck, Peaches.” He leaned in and pressed his forehead against mine, whether to convince me he was alive or himself, I wasn’t sure.
“I love you,” I whispered. I didn’t know why I said it. No, I knew exactly why I said it. Because it was the truth I was unable to continue swallowing. Because he was in pain and I bled with him. Because I couldn’t go another moment without him knowing.
He jerked like I hit him. Leaned back, let me go.
“What did you just say?”
I glanced around, people were milling around and some were still arriving, so I had time to emotionally strip down before the services began. “I love you,” I repeated.
“You loved Liam, not me,” he countered, voice cold.
I refused to let him push me away. “I did,” I agreed. “I loved Liam. And you’re not him anymore. Mostly. You’re still a little bit Liam. But you’re mostly Jagger. And I love him too. You. With an intensity, a depth I never could’ve loved Liam with. Because I hated you first. And there was no way a love this deep could have been borne out of anything but hate. Anger.” I kissed him. “I had to hate you so I could love you.”
He held me tight as if he were making sure I wasn’t in one of the coffins we buried today.
Three Days Later
I hadn’t wanted to leave Amber.
For a number of reasons.
The women being a huge part. Because a loner like me, someone that pushed away deep, meaningful relationships was forced into something that I didn’t want to leave.
But we had to.
So tearful goodbyes were had, with promises made to come back, promises I knew I wouldn’t keep but made anyway.
And then, we rode back.
To where it all began.
To where it all had to end.
Hansen called me into church the next day.
Liam and I didn’t mention or even look at the elephant in the room since we’d arrived. We’d done something so mundane it felt extreme. We’d ordered takeout, ate it in bed and watched movies until I fell asleep in his arms.
We didn’t even have sex.
And somehow that felt more intimate. I think it was a sign of something, when you felt fulfilled and satisfied from just lying in a man’s arms with no sex.
We woke up.
Liam watched me stretch. This time he didn’t interrupt me.
I finished, raising my brow at him sitting upright in bed, sheets pooled at his waist. Immediately, a wave of bone-crushing emotion hit me and it was an effort not to flinch. Because this was a moment. Not an extraordinary moment. But a simple one. A glimpse into a forgotten future. Liam, sitting in bed, still shrugging off sleep, with light, but hungry eyes, watching me like he could be content to do it for the rest of his life.
And me looking back at him with that raised brow, ready to tease him was me thinking I could do this for the rest of my life too. Me wanting to do this with a need I couldn’t stomach.
Because I knew if I did this, if I stayed, if I took hold of something I’d been yearning for, for years, I’d have to say goodbye to things, to people I couldn’t let go of.
“You gonna stand there starin’ or you gonna come to bed and suck my cock?” Liam asked.
I jerked myself into the present, smiling at him. “Why is it that I have to get into bed and suck your cock? That doesn’t sound like I can get anything out of it.”
He grinned wickedly. “Well, you can suck my cock while I’m eating your pussy.”
And I did just that.
Hansen called me into church while Liam and I were having coffee.
He looked to Liam. “You’re welcome to come too.”
Liam tensed immediately and the air between us changed. It was stifling. He nodded once and took my coffee from my hand and set it down on the table.
He nodded forward, a gesture for me to go ahead. He didn’t touch me.
With rocks in my stomach, I went.