Total pages in book: 130
Estimated words: 118333 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 592(@200wpm)___ 473(@250wpm)___ 394(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 118333 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 592(@200wpm)___ 473(@250wpm)___ 394(@300wpm)
She didn’t want me.
She’d only come back to start a war.
She was a fucking whore, like my pop said.
And I hated her for going off with Sanchez. I hated her for leaving. But most of all, I hated her for not loving me enough to stay . . . or at least take me with her . . .
Mae shifted, snapping me from the memory of that day, and moved closer to me on my lap. I looked down at my hands; they were fucking shaking. Asshole, I said in my head. Pop was right—you’re a fucking weak-as-piss retard. I closed my eyes and got my breathing under control. I was the fucking Hangmen Mute—I didn’t feel this shit. Especially over a slut who didn’t want me.
Mae’s arms wrapped around my waist, and the journal fell to my side, the spine digging into my hip. I took in a deep breath and breathed out through my nose. I clenched my jaw, fucking ready to rip out my own traitorous brain as the memory I’d tried to forget still played on a loop in my head. Doubt was starting to creep up my back. Had she come back for me? Had she come to take me from Pop and all the shit he put me through?
Mae sighed. “I love you, River.”
River . . . River . . . River . . .
I took another mouthful of Beam and swallowed it down, feeling it burn a path from my chest to my stomach . . . then, like the weak piece of shit I was, I picked up the fucking journal. My hand shook as I held it.
Like I said, he’s still a retard. Can’t speak for shit. But it got worse when you left . . .
Had it? I couldn’t fucking remember ever speaking right. Then again, I didn’t have many memories before that night—just a blur of hanging with Ky and avoiding my old man’s fists. But I remembered watching my pop put a slug through my mama’s head with crystal clarity. I remembered her dead, open eyes and the smell of her blood. And I remembered hiding the trunk she’d brought with her in my room, in my closet. I’d never seen what was inside, and forgot all about it . . . until today.
I stared into nothing, just listening to Mae breathing, for a good few hours. Until I opened the journal and stared at my mama’s handwriting. It was messy, but if what Mae had read was true, it sounded like she wasn’t from a good background. I didn’t even know if she’d gone to school.
I didn’t mean to start reading. But I did. With Mae in my lap and our boy in her belly, I read about the woman I’d always been told was nothing more than a slut, a shitty excuse for a mother.
Shade Nash was the most handsome man I’d ever seen. The minute I saw him, and he smiled my way, I was his . . .
Chapter Six
Tanner
“Shit, darlin’. You’re making me nervous with all that leg twitching and hand rubbing. You okay?” Beauty pointed her knife at me over the table. “Don’t even try to tell me my brisket ain’t good, because then I’ll know you’re a liar, Tanner Ayers. And I don’t tolerate liars.”
Beauty’s voice ripped me from my head. Her eyes were narrowed suspiciously on me, which made me smirk. “Nah, Beauty. You know your brisket is the best.”
She smiled and sat up straight, shaking her shoulders. “That’s what all the boys tell me.”
Tank raised his eyebrows at his woman. “All the boys?” he said dryly.
Beauty tapped Tank’s cheek with her red-taloned finger. “You know I weren’t no virgin before you came riding into my life, darlin’. So yeah, a few boys have tasted my brisket . . . ” She leaned closer to my best friend. “And they fucking loved the taste . . . as do you.” Beauty got up from the table, winking at me before getting us some more beers from the fridge.
“Tann?” Tank asked. “You thinking of Adelita?” His head tipped to the side as he watched me. Tank sighed. “Tann. Fucking speak. Fucking say something! How the fuck are you still not telling me a thing?”
“She’ll know by now. She’ll know her cousin has been taken.”
Tank’s eyes narrowed. “She’ll understand in time.” I ran my hands down my face. I wasn’t so sure she would understand. Tank didn’t know Adelita. She’d be pissed at me. Pissed I didn’t stop it. But what the fuck else was I supposed to do?
“You not feeling the club anymore?” Tank asked quietly. “You’re not wanting out, are you?”
My stomach fell. “Fuck no.” I meant every word. Of course, I wasn’t sure how the rest of my brothers felt about me and Adelita. Didn’t know if Styx still wanted me around after I kept this from him. “I’m good,” I said. Tank looked as though he didn’t believe a fucking thing I was saying. “Tank . . . It’s the first time I’ve ever felt like I belong somewhere. Everything else in my life has gone to shit. But I want in this club. Never fucking doubt that.” I cleared my throat, changing the subject. “You heard anything from AK and the others?”