Total pages in book: 130
Estimated words: 118333 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 592(@200wpm)___ 473(@250wpm)___ 394(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 118333 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 592(@200wpm)___ 473(@250wpm)___ 394(@300wpm)
Taking Mae’s cheeks in my hand, I stared into her eyes. She looked fucking scared. Mae tried to dip her head, but I didn’t let her. “Wh-what?”
Mae released a deep breath. “She had you in the middle of a war.” My fucking stomach fell as Mae’s eyes filled with tears. “She had the same fears I do.” Her shoulders sagged, then whispered, “Of losing you. Of being killed herself, being a target . . .” She held her stomach, lip trembling. “Of them coming for Charon . . . of us losing each other. Of not having the life we’ve dreamed of for so long.” Mae swallowed. Her face had gone white. She was fucking shaking. It fucking cut me in half to see her this way. “I just feel . . . I just feel that since we found each other again, there has been so much happening. Helping my sisters find freedom, the threats to the club, and now this war.” Mae’s breathing hitched, and she rubbed her stomach, where she kept our son safe. “Now that we have Charon, I feel fear so much more strongly now. We have more to lose. I can’t bear the thought of anything happening to him . . . to any of us.”
Untapped rage rushed forward as I thought of anything like that happening. “N-no one will touch you. Either of you. I-I’ll f-fucking k-kill t-them if th-they t-try t-to, I—”
I cut my words off when my stutter became so bad that I couldn’t fucking speak. How the fuck could I assure Mae that nothing would happen to her when I couldn’t even speak?
“Shh.” Mae put her hand on my cheek. “I love you, River Nash. But more than that, I trust you. I know you would never let anyone hurt us. You’re a good husband. You’re a fierce president . . . but more importantly, you’ll be an excellent father.”
Out of everything Mae said, that was the one thing that hit me. Because the truth was, I was like my father—Shade “The Reaper” Nash. I was like him in so many ways . . . and he was a shitty dad. What the fuck did I have to offer a kid? What—
“You are not him, and you are too good to treat your son as he did you.” I stared at the fucking conviction in Mae’s eyes and let go of some of the poison in my veins. But a trace always remained. Because neither of my parents had given two shits about me. I was about to be a dad, and the only references I had were a prick who beat me and a slut who left me with a man she fucking despised. What the hell did that say about her? About either of them?
“I never knew I could love anyone the way I love him. I didn’t believe it was possible. Dark brown hair, chubby cheeks, and perfect lips. Right now he has dark blue eyes that I could stare into for days, but I know that color can change.” I turned my head, confused as to what Mae was talking about. Then I realized. She was reading aloud from the journal. My heart kicked into a sprint. These were my mother’s words . . .
“I never want to let him go. I keep the door to Shade’s room in the club locked so that nothing bad can ever come near him. So this club can’t pollute him. At least not yet.” Mae’s voice wavered, and I had to swallow a fucking lump that was building in my throat. “Is it normal to be unable to ever look away from your child like this? To want to shield him from all the bad, and only give him the good? Because I must do that. Whatever it takes, I will protect him and keep him safe. My baby, my River . . . my baby boy who now owns my whole heart, will be safe from this life. From his father. I have to find a way . . .” Mae wiped at her cheeks while I stood in the hallway like a statue. Mae looked at me. “She loved you, Styx. She loved you so much that on some of the pages the ink is smudged from where she’d been crying as she emptied her heart into the journal.”
I couldn’t fucking speak. I knew no words would come out of my mouth right now even if I tried. Mae came to me and took my hand. “She was sixteen when she first met your father. He was thirty-two. He got her pregnant not long afterward. She was a lost soul. Had run away from home.” My jaw clenched. I didn’t want to hear this. I knew shit about my mother, and never wanted to know. She went to the boatman when I was ten, but left me long before that. Of course, that didn’t stop Mae. She just fucking barreled on like she’d barreled into my life. Bitch was the only one who I’d let get away with this shit. Mae’s hand pressed against my face. “She ran away from home when she couldn’t take any more of the abuse.” I froze. Mae’s expression fell to one of sympathy. Because my old lady knew what abuse felt like, had the scars on her thighs to prove it. Of course, there were all kinds of abuse. She must have seen that question in my eyes. “Sexual abuse, Styx. Abuse like I endured.”