Total pages in book: 130
Estimated words: 118333 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 592(@200wpm)___ 473(@250wpm)___ 394(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 118333 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 592(@200wpm)___ 473(@250wpm)___ 394(@300wpm)
“There,” I said, putting the soap back on the rack, breaking myself from the rabbit hole I had found myself falling down. “All clean.” Tanner reached over me and turned off the shower. He wrapped a towel around me, and I had to close my eyes to rid myself of the butterflies that had started to spread their wings in my stomach.
Tanner released me and put a towel around himself. We stood silently, still not knowing what to do. The aftermath of what had just happened was awkward, cloying. Unable to take the tension, I said, “Come.” I held out my hand, waiting for what Tanner would do. I could see, as clear as day, the war on his face as he stared down at the simple offer of my touch as though it were an open flame. I was about to lower it, burned, when, with a long sigh, he reached out and slipped his large calloused hand into mine. The first touch felt so warm, warmer still when his fingers entwined with mine and he squeezed them tightly.
I led Tanner to the chair in front of the monitors. His attention immediately went to the screens as he lowered himself down. Reluctantly releasing his hand, I busied myself with getting the first aid kit together from where it had spilled over the desk and floor earlier. My skin heated again just from recalling how he’d pushed me back against the wall and kissed me . . . then took me . . .
Tanner didn’t even flinch when I pressed a cotton ball covered in peroxide to his wound. But he did turn his head from the monitors to watch me. I didn’t like the silence, or the weight of his stare and what it did to the rhythm of my heart. I didn’t like guessing what he was thinking. So I spoke to fill the awkwardness. “I used to do this for my father when I was younger.” I smiled at the memory, moving the bandages and gauzes to the table beside us. “When he still took matters into his own hands.” I shrugged. “Before he got older and decided his paid but loyal men should do his dirty deeds for him.” I dried the clean skin around the wounds. “It looks like the bullet went straight through.”
“How old are you?” he asked.
“Twenty. Just turned.” Tanner nodded. I wondered if he thought me too young. I didn’t feel it. “This life . . .” I said. “It makes you older than your years.” It bothered me that I was trying to explain myself to Tanner. But then he understood. Only people who walked the dangerous road this underbelly life awarded would ever understand.
Repeating the same process with the exit wound, I nodded at the screens. “You seem to be familiar with all of this.”
Tanner’s face was stone, but after a few tense seconds he said, “I was in the army. Communications.” I lifted my head to find him already watching me. Things started to make sense. It was how he was so stealthy in the forest. And how he knew to apprehend that man and kill him so efficiently. “When did you get out?”
“A while ago.”
I nodded my head and bandaged Tanner’s arm as best I could. “That should help. My father will get his physicians to treat you tomorrow when we are collected.”
I went to the closet where my father kept emergency clothes and took out a shirt and sweatpants for Tanner, and smaller versions for myself. In the bathroom, I put on the clothes and looked at myself in the mirror. I blew out a breath and checked myself over. I had stopped bleeding, at least. But I was sore.
I couldn’t seem to regret what I’d done. That it had been Tanner Ayers who had been my first. I was too tired and confused to even contemplate why that should be the case, why I wasn’t chastising myself for my stupidity.
Busying myself to take me from my confusion, I combed my hair, feeling bare and young without my makeup. Then I left the bathroom.
Tanner was lying on the pull-out bed opposite the monitors, his eyes glued to the screens. The gun he had taken from our attacker lay beside him. The emergency clothes were too small for his big frame, but they’d have to do.
I walked toward him. Tanner noticed me only when I was right in front him. I slipped into the small bed beside him and felt him tense. I lay down, staring up at the concrete ceiling.
“Why didn’t you say something?”
I didn’t need him to explain what he meant. It seemed my virginity—now lack thereof—was the elephant in the room. Running my hands over my face, I said, “Because I knew you’d stop if I did.” Tanner rolled over and met my eyes, searching for something in their depths. I took a deep breath and whispered, “And I wanted you.” I challenged him with a hard stare. I wouldn’t be made to feel like a child. I made my decision. It was my body, and my choice to make. It was one of the only choices I’d ever been given the chance to make.