Total pages in book: 130
Estimated words: 117336 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 587(@200wpm)___ 469(@250wpm)___ 391(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 117336 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 587(@200wpm)___ 469(@250wpm)___ 391(@300wpm)
If I were honest, I would get rid of everyone if I did not need them. I need no one but Melina.
So I head down to the kitchens and offer a nod of greeting to the cook. She beams at me as if we are friends and wraps a fruit-filled pastry in a napkin for me, holding it out with a smile. I mumble my thanks, my head full of other voices as the children rouse and someone starts nursing. Food, Arthromathan mumbles in my mind. I like food.
And because I cannot think, I gently nudge for silence. The children respond well to subtle commands—too well. It worries me that someone else will take advantage of their innocence. I will have to teach them how to shield themselves when they are old enough to retain what I teach them. Biting into my pastry, I close my weary eyes and enjoy the silence.
darkness
Something pries at my mind, squeezing painfully. I ignore it, trying to see how far this dark one will push today.
destruction
The squeezing intensifies, as if my mind is some sort of boil he wishes to lance. I keep eating, well-aware of what he's doing.
decay
I bite back a snort at that. As if I do not live in a world of decay and destruction already. Is that supposed to entice me to lower my mental shields and invite him in?
oblivion. I can promise you oblivion.
The pastry sticks to my mouth like glue. Abruptly, I push him out. It is like wrestling with a coiling vine, and the more I pry him out of my thoughts, the more he struggles to slide another tendril in. He's stronger today, I realize with a hint of alarm. I've shown interest in what he offers—oblivion—and suddenly he's that much harder to get rid of.
I can make the pain go away
you will feel nothing
Out, I command, and for a moment, the filth and darkness feels as if it covers me. I am drowning in it—
Papa says you are right, Tunjozefren blasts into my head, searing away the darkness. He thought that was funny. A fool is funny?
I cling to the child's bright, focused mind. Stay, I pant, unnerved. Stay here for a moment with me, Tunjozefren.
Is the bad thing talking to you? Sallavatri asks. Is it time for us to help?
Not quite yet, I send back.
Are you afraid? Don't be. We will be with you, Luminoura sends. We won't let you stay in battle-form forever. We promise.
You can hold onto our minds so you don't lose yourself, Sallavatri offers.
No, I say quickly. No. You do not offer me that. You do not offer anyone that, understand? Your mind is yours. When I say we will defeat the thing in the Rift, it is because we are working together as friends. I do not want your minds. I do not want to own you or control you. Understand?
You can, Luminoura offers innocently. We are friends. We trust you.
That makes me feel worse. To think I could snatch the children's minds without the slightest bit of effort. Do not offer that. Never offer that.
But—
I am your friend and I would not ask. Keep that in mind, I remind them. A friend will not ask you to turn over your very being. The words are bitter in my head, because I am a hypocrite, am I not? I thoughtlessly enslaved their parents because it was something I have always done, yet when it comes to these innocent, fragile minds, I am filled with loathing at the thought of anyone tampering with them. If someone presses you and asks you to give control to them, you ask me first, all right? I will tell you if it is a good idea or not. I will tell you if they are a friend.
Warm affection buffets my thoughts and makes me feel even worse. They should not trust me like they do. I imagine the power of the children in the hands of a more ruthless Salorian and shudder to think. They are strong in thought, as strong as any Salorian, but their fathers are drakoni. They would be enslaved without hesitation.
As long as there is breath in me, I will never let that happen. So I give them a new task to focus on, because their young minds get idle and bored quickly. Do you see something shiny nearby? Can you reach it?
I have a fist, Tunjozefren announces. It tastes good.
I see a shiny, Luminoura tells me. It hangs above my bed! There is music!
Excellent, I soothe. Tell the others all about your shiny. They will like to hear about it.
And I will be soothed by the sweet prattle of their innocent minds, touching one another while guarded by the safety of my thoughts.
Chapter
Thirty-One
MELINA
I'm exhausted by the time the sun goes down. My bones ache, and we've had two more people come in with the flu, sneezing and shivering. I've doled out a few acetaminophen, but I'm low on everything, as usual. I have to be stingy with the supplies I have, saving them for those that seem the worst off, whose fever doesn't break no matter how many times I cool them down with gentle, wet cloths. It's far too many for my tastes, and I want to smack Gary when he starts prattling on about the Spanish Flu of 1918 and how many people it killed. Apparently, Gary is a big fan of disease history.