Total pages in book: 130
Estimated words: 117336 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 587(@200wpm)___ 469(@250wpm)___ 391(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 117336 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 587(@200wpm)___ 469(@250wpm)___ 391(@300wpm)
"Maybe I didn't want to be with you at first," I say. "Maybe you had to force me to be at your side. But that changed. It changed when I realized you weren't going to force me to service you all the time. It changed when we started spending time together, and I realized you really do want to do good things for Fort Dallas. Now when I come home to you, it's not because I feel like I have to. It's because I want to. It's because I want to tell you about my day. I want to hear your thoughts. I want to hold your hand. I want to hear your laughter. I want to curl up with you. If I didn't want to be with you, I'd be looking for any excuse not to be in your vicinity, but that simply isn't the case." When he avoids meeting my gaze, I duck my head, trying to get him to meet my eyes. "Why is that so hard to believe?"
Azar finally looks at me. He seems…tired. Defeated. "We cannot be mates the way we're supposed to, though."
"Who cares what we're supposed to be like? As long as you're happy and I'm happy, that's all that matters. As far as I'm concerned, it's just you and me." I snuggle up against him, trying to ease him with my presence. "You're happy, right?"
He pauses for a long moment. Then, his hand creeps up my back. "With you, I am happy. You bring me such joy I never thought I would have. But I am just…exhausted, sometimes."
"Because of running the fort?" I pat his chest comfortingly. "Tell me what I can do to help, then."
"Not just the fort. It is the dragons I hold, and the dragons that sit at my table and glare at me, and…" he sighs. "It is all on my shoulders, Melina."
My heart aches for him. He's only vulnerable to me. To everyone else, he presents the rigid, borderline cruel persona of a ruthless lord. I know he can be cutting and short with the others. He's told me before that if he's too friendly, people push to take advantage, and I believe it. He can't be everyone's friend when he's trying to run the fort. Not when there're food shortages and people rebelling against common sense. I know the dragons he holds to keep the fort safe drain on his mind, and I know the half-dragon children keep him up at night.
And that's on top of the problem in the Rift.
So yeah, there's a lot on his shoulders. My poor love.
I go still, realizing what thought has just gone through my head. My…love? Am I in love with Azar? I don't know what to make of that. Nothing in our relationship has been orthodox. Sometimes he makes me so angry I want to spit, but we always seem to end up on the same page. He has a hard time trusting, and an even harder time letting other people shoulder some of the work. He doesn't know how to be generous, struggles with being respectful, and tends to call everyone in the fort “sheep.” Even so…he's different around me. He might not be the nicest guy to everyone else, but to me, he's a prince. He cares for me like no one ever has. He thinks of me constantly, acquiring jewels and gowns he thinks I might like. He waits on me hand and foot simply because he likes touching me, and he's an enthusiastic and generous lover. In bed, he's creative and devoted, and out of it, he's protective and doting.
So yeah, I might be in love with him. I have no idea what to think of that. I'm not supposed to fall for the guy that forced me into his bed, no matter how much I might want to be there now. I glance up at him, and our eyes meet. He does look incredibly tired, my poor Azar. Tired, and somewhat defeated, as if everything is too much. "If it's all on your shoulders, it's because they're strong, capable shoulders," I tell him softly. "And I'm happy to take on what I can. Just let me know."
"You already do too much," he grumbles, but one corner of his hard mouth lifts in an almost-smile.
I'll take it. I tuck myself under his chin again. "I wouldn't offer for anyone else," I point out, and I mean it. "So don't you go running yourself into the ground, sir, or you'll make me angry."
He chuckles and rubs my back, just holding me against him for a while. Azar's hand glides slowly up and down my spine, a sure sign he's pondering something. I'm not surprised when he eventually pauses and asks, "Was it like this before?"
"Was what like this?"