Total pages in book: 144
Estimated words: 130761 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 654(@200wpm)___ 523(@250wpm)___ 436(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130761 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 654(@200wpm)___ 523(@250wpm)___ 436(@300wpm)
He didn’t. Just sat there, looking at me with tears running down his face.
I knew I’d be shit at this. I told Maddie I couldn’t do it.
You remember what AK said to you?
I closed my eyes and remembered AK that day. I remembered what he did, like Maddie said. I just had to tell Ash what AK told me.
AK had started by putting his hand on my shoulder. Opening my eyes, I looked down at my hand. I clenched my fingers in a fist. I could do this. I could touch Ash.
I had to.
Reaching out my hand, fighting the urge to pull it back, I put it on Ash’s shoulder. It felt fucking weird. I wanted to pull back, but I imagined Maddie’s green eyes. Imagined her smile as I did it. Ash swallowed and met my eyes. I wanted to look away, but I fought the need and repeated—word for word—what AK had said to me. “Come on, Ash. You need a drink.”
Ash’s mouth was open a little, and he looked at my hand on his shoulder out of the corner of his eye. I didn’t think he was gonna do shit, but then he brought the whiskey to his mouth and took a sip.
“All of it.” I downed my own. The liquor burned my throat. But it made things better.
Ash finished his too, then wiped his cheeks with his forearm.
“It gets easier,” I said, saying AK’s words to Ash in exactly the same way he’d said them to me. “From this moment on, it becomes second nature and don’t bother you as much. I promise.”
Ash blinked, blinked again. “I just keep picturing his face as he stared up at me from the ground.” My teeth gritted together. “He had brown eyes. I keep seeing his fucking brown eyes, Flame.”
“He was scum. He deserved to die. And you saved AK.” A weird pain pulled in my chest at the thought of AK being killed. I didn’t like it. I didn’t fucking like it.
Ash held out his hands in front of him. “I keep thinking I see blood on my hands. I keep washing them, but I still see blood sometimes.”
I had fuck all to say to that. AK hadn’t said anything else to me that night years ago. Then Ash looked at me again, and his face screwed up. He was crying. Fuck, he was crying. I tightened my hand on his shoulder, but he just cried more.
Panic surged through me. I looked at our bedroom door, but it was shut. I had to get Maddie. She’d know what to do. But then Ash’s head fell forward. I didn’t like how he looked. It made my heart hurt.
I heard Maddie’s words in my head. Like me, he loves you. And you love him. He is safe for you. He may need to know that he is loved right now. A hug will give him comfort . . .
I stared at my hand on his shoulder. Everything in me told me to push him away. But when I saw his shoulders fucking shaking, I couldn’t. I took a long fucking deep breath and yanked him to my side. I put my arm around his shoulders and brought him into my chest. I squeezed my eyes shut and breathed through my nostrils, trying to fucking calm down. Ash stopped making a sound. I opened my eyes, thinking he would say something to me. That he would look at me and make me push him away. But he didn’t. Instead he gripped onto my cut and cried some more.
I stared at the ashes in the fire, just working on keeping my shit together. He was touching me. He was touching me. He’s good, I told myself in my head. He’s your fucking brother.
Ash stayed that way for ten minutes. I counted the minutes in my head in seconds. Eventually he let go of my cut and lifted his head. His face was red and blotchy. He ducked his eyes from me when I looked at him. Staring across the room, I asked, “You okay now?”
“Yeah,” he rasped then cleared his throat. “Thanks, Flame.”
I nodded my head. Something fucking weird burst in my chest. It was warm. It didn’t know what it was.
“Sorry for being a fucking pussy,” he said.
“Not a pussy,” I said. “You killed. You’re a Hangman. You’ll kill again. I don’t feel it, but AK told me most people freak out. You’ve freaked out. It’s done. Won’t happen again.”
“Yeah.”
It got quiet. Real quiet. I didn’t know what else to say, but Ash spoke first. “Sorry I came here. I just wasn’t thinking, and the next thing I knew I was at your door.” His face was bright red. “I’ll leave soon. Go to Slash or Vike. AK has a full house again.”