Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 79637 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 398(@200wpm)___ 319(@250wpm)___ 265(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79637 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 398(@200wpm)___ 319(@250wpm)___ 265(@300wpm)
I scramble out of his grip, sitting upright. “What?”
He reaches for me. “D’see—”
I slap his hands away. “You really want to wait a few more months? Why not now?”
“You are not ready now—”
Fighting back the anger and frustration that’s building inside me, I try to keep my words calm. “You said you wanted me to learn. I agreed to it. There was nothing in our deal that said we wouldn’t have a baby until I became self-sufficient.”
He rolls onto his back, gazing up at me. “So you would have a kit when you are helpless and cannot provide for it?”
His words sting, and I jump to my feet, hurt. “Is that how you see me, then? Helpless and useless? Good to know, I suppose.”
“D’see.” O’jek reaches for my hand again, but I avoid his grip.
“I don’t feel like talking to you right now,” I tell him. “In fact, I don’t even want to look at you right now. Leave me alone.” I slip into the pool to wash off and stroke away from him. I can feel his gaze burning holes into my back but I ignore him. Good. Let him stew on it for a while. I’m hurt, I admit it. I’m hurt because it feels like he’s getting everything he wants and I’m still left wanting. Even though we’ve declared ourselves mates, he’s decided that I’m still far too useless. He’s happy to fuck me until I’m screaming, but actually give me a baby? Guess that’s too much to ask.
So yeah, I’m mad. This is the first time he’s mentioned delaying having a baby. How long does he plan on waiting? Three months? Six? So much can happen between now and then. Veronica could get pregnant once more, and she won’t want to extend herself while she’s carrying. Other people in the tribe could resonate.
Hell, O’jek could resonate to someone else right under my nose. He doesn’t seem to realize that immediacy is required in this. Our lives are full of uncertainty in this world. Why doesn’t he get that?
I swim laps until I’m exhausted, and then I curl up on the warm rocks, putting my back to him. O’jek swims for a little, too, and then comes and stands over me, dripping water. “You are not going to speak to me?” he asks.
“Did you change your mind?”
“No.”
“Then no, I don’t want to talk to you. And I think we should go back to the tribe in the morning.” I deliberately avoid looking at him, my heart hurting. I thought we were a team but he’s treating me like I’m worthless, and it hurts.
He sighs heavily. “We will talk about this soon. If you are angry, be angry at me for a time. Then when you are ready to talk, we will talk.”
“I have nothing to say to you.” I tuck my arm under my head as a pillow and stare at the vines. “You’re using me.”
“I? Using you?” O’jek laughs bitterly. “My pretty mate, you are very wrong.”
I don’t care. I keep my back turned to him and he eventually walks away. I close my eyes and decide to sleep for a time.
Of course, now I can’t sleep. I’m all too aware of the delicious throb between my thighs, of how good I feel post-sex. I keep thinking about O’jek’s face over mine as he came, the intense look in his gaze. The way he couldn’t stop touching me. I sniff out a few self-pitying tears, because I loved that moment, and I want more of that, but not if our deal is only one-sided. Not if he has no intention of ever giving me a baby.
In a weird way, it feels like I’m back with Johani. He’d always held things over my head. If you show me you can be a perfect consort at tomorrow night’s dinner, Daisy, I shall let you buy a new silk dress. If you keep the delegate entertained, Daisy, I’ll get you that bangle you want. Except it was never about what I wanted—it was about what Johani wanted. I would have given up every silk and every dress for Johani to touch me with love, to look at me the way he looked at Vuurash.
And once again, I’m in the same situation. Everyone around me gets what they want and I get nothing.
Frustrated, I give up on taking a nap and sit up. I glance around behind me and O’jek is at the far end of the platform by the pool, my tunic spread over his eyes to blot out the artificial light here in the cave. Well. I’m glad one of us can sleep. Annoyed, I get to my feet and decide to hunt down some fruit. I touch one fat, juicy reddish globe on the wall but I don’t pluck it. Instead, I move farther along, touching the fruit here and there as I walk. I brush aside one leaf, and I see writing scratched onto the rock wall behind it. Fascinated, I peer at the lettering. It looks a bit like Homeworld, but an archaic version. Is this old Sakh? If I turn that letter and add a swirl here, it could spell “MAINTENANCE.” Or it might spell something else entirely. It’s been a few years since I’ve had to practice my Homeworld script. I lift a few more leaves and there’s an arrow pointing toward the waterfall. Interesting.