Total pages in book: 24
Estimated words: 22147 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 111(@200wpm)___ 89(@250wpm)___ 74(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 22147 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 111(@200wpm)___ 89(@250wpm)___ 74(@300wpm)
The storm clouds continue to cloud his brow, but he doesn’t say anything.
“Anyways,” I continue in a stronger voice. “I was going to tell you. I swear I was. But then you got that letter from the administration about being investigated for plagiarism, and I just couldn’t anymore.”
He glowers at me.
“But why? What does that have to do with a pregnancy?”
I look down at my hands, but then look up again with strength in my eyes.
“Because your job was hanging in the balance, Roland. They were investigating you for academic reasons, but they were going to find out that we were together. How would that have looked? An older, assistant professor hooking up with a young, impressionable co-ed? You would have lost your job for sure, not to mention tarnished your reputation. Even if you left the university, you’d never find another academic position again. Your career would be kaput.”
Roland stares at me.
“We would have made it through,” he says in a strained voice. “You didn’t even give us the chance.”
I stare at him before exhaling slowly.
“I loved you, Roland. I wanted what’s best for you, and I couldn’t do that to you. I know how much you love your job, and how dedicated you are to literature and knowledge. Being expelled from the academic community would have been like death for you, and I didn’t want to be the woman holding the sword at your neck. I couldn’t be that person because I love you so much. I couldn’t take away what you believe in the most.”
His eyes grow fierce.
“You didn’t even give me a chance, Aria. How do you know my career is what matters most to me?”
I gesture furiously in the air.
“Because literature is what you live for! You spent seven years getting a Ph.D. for crying out loud, and you went to Harvard too! Who doesn’t value their career after toiling away for so long?”
He fixes me with a look.
“What if I told you that I spent most of my graduate studies flitting about and getting no work done?”
I snort.
“As if. Roland, I know you. You’re a hard worker and totally dedicated to your craft. Not only do you teach twice a semester, but you also mentor students and head the department’s Curriculum Committee. You didn’t just blow off your graduate studies. You worked long and hard to get this professorship, and it’s a tough position to land. I know you,” I say in a soft voice, my eyes beseeching.
But the handsome professor merely shakes his head.
“Aria, you do know me, but you know the person that I am at this moment in time. I wasn’t always like this. In graduate school, I was having a good time. Sure, I researched and wrote a ton, but I also went out and enjoyed myself. Boston is an incredible city, and I wanted to enjoy it for the few years that I lived there. So it wasn’t just all work and no play, otherwise I’d be a really dull person today.”
I stare at him.
“But why does that matter?”
He lets out a long exhale, pinning me with clear blue eyes. My heart judders and I can’t help how I feel. This man does something to me that no one else ever will, and my knees grow weak as the air evaporates from my chest.
“It matters, Aria, because you matter to me. I’m career-focused, but it’s not everything to me. In fact, I would be miserable if the only thing in my life was books, more books, teaching, and classes. I’ve found that to achieve happiness, I need interaction with other people. I need to love other people, and I love you, Aria. I was in love with you, and it was silly for you to prioritize my career over you and the baby. I would have chosen you over the university, hands down. What man wouldn’t?”
I stare at him as my mouth goes dry.
“I’m sorry?” is my raspy whisper. “What do you mean?”
He takes me by the shoulders and stares into my eyes, his gaze delving into my very soul.
“It means that I love you, Aria Nelson, and that we would have figured it out. Yes, if they’d discovered our relationship then I would have lost my job. And you’re right, no one else would have hired me. I would have been persona non grata in the academic industrial complex. But that’s not the end of the world, Aria. I would have found another position as an editor or a writer, and you know what? I love writing. I’ve often thought about leaving this job in order to write to my heart’s content without the teaching and administrative responsibilities. I would have been just as happy. Even more so, in fact, because I would have you and the baby.”
Tears fill my eyes and I can hardly breathe.