Total pages in book: 69
Estimated words: 65031 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 325(@200wpm)___ 260(@250wpm)___ 217(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 65031 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 325(@200wpm)___ 260(@250wpm)___ 217(@300wpm)
Only Xander hadn’t betrayed me. Not really.
Seeing Xander’s heartbreak in his own words, stung as much as his perceived betrayal had. Maybe even more, which was ridiculous because I didn’t still love him. I couldn’t still love him.
I refused to still love him. Maybe he didn’t betray me and maybe he’d been as hurt by our split as I was, but that didn’t mean I could change who I was.
It didn’t mean I was willing to change everything about who I was—shut down, closed off and unreceptive to love—because the past was different than my memories.
But I picked up the phone in a tipsy haze because I had to know the truth. “Did you mean it? Did you mean any of the words you said? Or wrote?” I held my breath and waited for the answer.
There was a long pause on the other end of the line and my heart raced so loudly that I worried I might miss his answer, when or if it came. “Damn right I meant them, Mara. I meant every fucking word I ever said to you. I still do.”
Oh. My. God. I shook away the effects of the beer, certain I had heard those words wrong. Sure they were some type of wishful thinking I refused to let myself get involved in, because that was the way of madness. “Xander.”
“You wanted to know the truth, sweetheart, and the truth is that it’s always been you. Always.”
Always. It was a promise I never let myself believe, not ever.
Xander
Silence settled over the line and my heart raced at the progress that was being made in one simple phone call, at just how much emotion existed in that one question.
Did you mean it?
“Mara, you were my everything back then. I didn’t even believe in love, wasn’t even looking for it until I fell in love with you. When you left without a word, it crushed me. It was a literal fucking weight pressing down on my chest and it only went away a little, when it became a matter of life or death.” Maybe Mara wasn’t ready for that level of honesty yet, but dammit she needed to hear it.
“I’m sorry.” After a long, tense silence, those shuddery words were barely audible. “I really am sorry, Xander. I would never wish that kind of pain on another person, not even you. No, definitely not you.”
Those last words resonated deeply and I felt the lump in my throat grow at the emotion in Mara’s words. Hope soared in my heart at the thought that she felt my loss as viscerally as I felt hers. “Mara,” I whispered.
“I’m sorry, Xander. I have to go.” Her voice was thick with tears and I stared at the screen, feeling for the first time since I found her working in my new hometown, that there really was a chance for us. A second chance. And when she ended the call, I knew we were close to reclaiming who we used to be.
Mara and Xander. Us against the world.
It was heartbreaking to know that she’d been feeling the same thing I had when we separated all those years ago. Mara, sitting in juvenile detention thinking I’d put her there and happily went about my life, just as heartbroken as when I went to her house to find that she was gone, no explanation, no goodbye.
It was screwed up any way you thought about it, what had happened to us back then. All for one little teenage mistake. Now that I understood Mara’s hate and how difficult it must be for her to get past that, I knew that I could make her mine again, and I fell asleep with thoughts of her on my mind.
When I woke up the next day, Mara was still on my mind but it was all good thoughts. A smile lit up my face as I showered and dressed for my day off, determined to get some face time with the woman taking up too much space in my head. My first stop was Bread Box, because that was the likeliest place to find her, but to my great surprise and delight, I was Mara’s day off. “Two tall coffees, black, and a large mix & match Valentine’s box.”
It was a bold move on my part, showing up at Mara’s house unannounced but the idea wouldn’t leave me alone and after yesterday’s admission, I had to do something bold. Something to get her attention.
I knocked and rang the bell for five full minutes before Mara unlocked the door and opened it, fresh-faced and still damp from the shower, curves wrapped in a terrycloth robe and a confused look on her face. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong. As far as I know everyone is safe and sound. Coffee?” I practically shoved the coffee in her hand, doubling her confusion as I took a cautious step forward and forced her back.