Total pages in book: 118
Estimated words: 107118 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 536(@200wpm)___ 428(@250wpm)___ 357(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 107118 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 536(@200wpm)___ 428(@250wpm)___ 357(@300wpm)
Sia’s eyes widened in surprise as the words left his mouth. Then, when my brother lifted his head, I knew he was going to speak.
Finally. I closed my eyes for a brief moment, feeling the heavy weight of being the only one who knew his secrets begin to lighten.
Chapter Nine
Hush
Sia’s hand trembled under mine. Her skin was white, slightly tanned from time spent outside.
“What language is that?” she said. My heart began to thud big bass beats in my chest.
“Swedish,” I replied and swallowed the lump in my throat. I looked up at Sia’s blue eyes, watching me closely. “My mamma was Swedish.”
She touched my face. “It’s where you get these pretty eyes from.”
I nodded, picturing my mamma in my mind. “She was . . .” My breathing hitched. But I kept it the fuck together. “She was typical in her looks, I suppose.” I smiled. “Long blond hair. Blue eyes. Pale skin. She was small, slim.”
“And your poppa?” Sia leaned down to kiss my hand, which was still in hers. I couldn’t take my eyes away from how they looked. Two shades, two tones that in so many people’s eyes should ever hold on to one another like this. Should never mix, because of some preconceived notion that one skin color was better. More important. Better for this already fucked-up world.
“My papa was black. A musician from Mississippi.” I closed my eyes and immediately heard the sound of a trumpet playing.
“Play it again,” I said, as Papa sat on my bed and played me a song his band would be playing at their gig later that night.
Papa leaned in and checked the doorway. “Your mamma will murder me if I don’t get you to sleep.”
I clutched his arm and said, “Please, just one more. Then I promise I’ll sleep.”
Papa kissed me on the head and then held my chin with his fingers. “Don’t give me them eyes, boy. You know I can’t fight those eyes—your mamma’s eyes.” I knew this. It was how I knew I’d get my way. My papa brought the trumpet’s mouthpiece to his lips and began to play. I lay down in my bed, watching him. I caught movement from the doorway. My mamma stood there, watching my papa play with a smile on her face. She always pretended to be mad at him when he would keep me up longer than my bedtime, but then I would always catch her outside the door, listening in.
Like she did every night when she knew I’d seen her, she put her finger across her lips for me to keep quiet. I nodded, then laid my head on my pillow and listened to Papa play.
It always sent me to sleep.
My vision was blurred as I came back to the present. Soft thumbs wiped at my eyes.
“She loved him,” Sia whispered.
I nodded, and turned my head to see Cowboy slumped against the wall, knees bent, arms draped over his knees, listening in. I saw the devastated look on his face. Because he knew she did . . . and what happened because of that love.
“She did,” I said, voice catching on the two simple words. “More than anything.”
“Except you,” Sia added, trailing her hands down the side of my closely shaven head.
“Except me.”
“What did you say before? In Swedish?”
I felt my mamma’s phantom hand thread in mine. “Love doesn’t see color. Only pure hearts.” My mouth moved and I was telling Sia, but I was hearing my mamma’s voice in my head. “She told me that after . . .” I sighed.
“After me and my friends had chased him two miles in our trucks as he walked down a road, hitting him with rocks for being mixed race.” Sia’s head snapped to Cowboy. Her hand shook in mine. This time it wasn’t sadness; it was rage.
“What?” she whispered.
I could see the way she looked at Cowboy now. Like he wasn’t the person she believed he was. That was bullshit. He was the best person I’d ever known. But it was true that we started off with bad blood.
“Let me tell you,” I found myself saying, even though I was dog tired, feeling that familiar feeling of tumbling down into a place where I knew my seizures would come calling. But in this moment, I didn’t care, because she needed to know. Sia told Ky she was falling for me and Aub. But the truth was, I was pretty sure I was already there.
And this she needed to know. I had to tell her. I was tired. So fucking tired of carrying this burden around for years. And I wouldn’t have her angry at Cowboy when, up until she came barreling into our lives, he was all I had.
I moved back onto the bed. Sia came to lie beside me. I looked over the room and saw Cowboy watching. But he didn’t move. “Aub,” I rasped. “Get over here too.” I saw him war with what to do as he looked at Sia.