Total pages in book: 230
Estimated words: 217798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1089(@200wpm)___ 871(@250wpm)___ 726(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 217798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1089(@200wpm)___ 871(@250wpm)___ 726(@300wpm)
I started to pull my hand away. “I’m—”
His hand left my hip and shot to my neck just as his mouth came down, stopping a hairsbreadth from touching mine. “We can’t.” His thumb smoothed over my wildly beating pulse. “We can’t do this.”
Confusion filled me. “We can’t?”
Caden shuddered as he dropped his forehead to mine, his hips moving in a slow roll.
“No.”
“No?” I whispered.
“I promised you that I would not let this go too far.”
“I want this.” To prove my point, I ran my hands down the tense muscles of his back and then lower, slipping my fingers under his loose pants. “Don’t… don’t you want this? It seems like you do.”
“God,” he groaned, moving his mouth to my neck. “I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you.” He kissed the spot just below my ear, causing my back to arch. “But you can’t say what you want is all yours. Not after me feeding.”
“It feels like it’s all me,” I said, and I thought I felt him smile against my neck.
“I’m trying to be… better than who I was,” he explained after a long moment. He lifted his head and that striking gaze latched onto mine. “I don’t know if that will make a difference or mean anything, but I’m trying to be better and it’s never been harder than this moment.”
My breath caught as I slid my hand back along his jaw and I remembered what he’d said before he fed. That there were some things you couldn’t come back from. I searched his gaze as a knot of emotion formed in my throat. I could understand that feeling—that there were some things in life, even if you weren’t responsible, you just couldn’t get past.
But I didn’t… I didn’t want that for him. “You aren’t guilty for those things you did when you were under the Queen’s spell.” I caught his gaze when he started to look away. “You’re already better. You didn’t hurt me. You don’t want to take advantage of me. You’ve saved my life, more than once. You’re not him.”
He was quiet for a long moment. “Knowing I didn’t have control doesn’t erase the memories. I was aware of everything, but I couldn’t… I couldn’t stop myself. I couldn’t stop any of it.”
My heart squeezed with sympathy. “I’m sorry, Caden. I really am.”
His eyes flared wide and then he rolled off me, onto his back beside me. “You’re really making this hard.”
I bit down on my lip as I stared up at the vaulted ceiling of his bedroom. “Sorry?”
He didn’t respond.
It took a surprising amount of energy for me to roll onto my side, but I managed to do it.
“Does your brother know you hadn’t fed?”
“I think he’s had his suspicions, but he’s left it alone.”
“Why haven’t you fed? Are you wanting to live your life like Tanner?”
“We don’t have that choice. If an Ancient doesn’t feed, we just weaken and we age, but it’s still at a substantially slower rate than humans. Wounds can become mortal and we lose our strength,” he explained.
“So, why?”
His hands came to rest on his chest. “When I was under the Queen’s control, my feeding was… gluttonous. Several times a day. Some I killed,” he said quietly, and I flinched. “Some I enslaved. Others I have no idea what happened to them, and I didn’t care. That wasn’t the only aspect of my life that became… excessive.”
“Sex?” I asked.
“I haven’t fed and I haven’t been with anyone since Fabian broke the spell. I just….”
I reached over, placing my hand on his arm. “It’s okay. I understand.”
He turned his head toward me. “You do, don’t you, sunshine?”
“Yeah.” At least I did on some level. I lowered my gaze to where my hand rested on his arm. “Why do you call me that? Sunshine?”
“Because I saw you smile once and it was like the sun finally rising.”
That was… that was wow.
“And your hair is like golden rays of sun,” he finished.
I laughed. I couldn’t help it or stop it. The laugh just came right out of me.
He lifted a brow as a small grin played at the corners of his lips. “I just complimented you and you laughed at me.”
“I did. I’m sorry. It’s just… it’s just coming from anyone but you that would sound ridiculous.”
“And it doesn’t sound ridiculous coming from me?”
“No,” I admitted, lifting my gaze to his. “It doesn’t.”
That small grin appeared once more. It wasn’t a lot, but it was a big deal, I realized.
“I… I have another question.”
“Of course you do,” he replied wryly.
I grinned at that. “How… how did you heal me? I didn’t know that anything like that was possible.”
“It’s something only I can do.”
“Why?”
The Prince sighed heavily, but there was a fondness to the sound, like my one hundred and one questions amused him more than they irritated him. “As the eldest of my Court, I can… how do I explain this? Reverse feed.”