Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 105065 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 525(@200wpm)___ 420(@250wpm)___ 350(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 105065 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 525(@200wpm)___ 420(@250wpm)___ 350(@300wpm)
Lach drinks the expensive Cognac slowly, but Alexei downs his in two gulps. And then pours himself another glass.
“Have ye sorted out your problem with Katya?” Lachlan asks.
Alexei’s only response is to take another shot. That’s why he looks so haunted. He’s heartbroken, obviously. If only he knew how much I could relate to him in this moment.
Is this how I’ll be if Lachlan decides to keep me alive? A shell of my former self with only alcohol as my companion. A shudder moves through me as I consider it.
The men talk in a mish mash of broken Russian and English. Lach seems to have the basics down, but isn’t completely fluent. I don’t have to see Alexei’s eyes darting to me to understand who they’re talking about.
After a while, they seem to come to some sort of agreement. And then Lachlan pulls something out of his pocket and hands it to Alexei. It feels like there’s glass in my throat when I realize it’s the photo of Talia.
“What are you doing with that?” I ask.
Lachlan doesn’t reply. He’s staring at Alexei, watching him, so I do the same. His eyes are roving over the photograph with laser precision, like he’s downloading every detail to memory.
“Does he know what happened to her?” I accuse.
Lach shoots me a look. “No. He’s offered to help you find her.”
Everything else fades away. All the horror and pain of this evening and the events leading up to it. And for the briefest of moments, my world is filled with sunshine and everything becomes clear again. Alexei glances at me, and I try to see through him. Past his cold exterior to the man who lies beneath. He keeps dragging his bloodshot eyes back to the photo as if he can’t stop himself. Hope springs up inside of me like an oasis inside of the desert. Even the cynical part of me is jumping onboard with this, too inflated by the possibility to accept any impending rejection.
“How will you find her?” I ask.
Lachlan answers for him.
“Alexei is very good at finding things,” he says evasively. “He works with… computers.”
This is the only explanation I get. And it dawns on me that Alexei must be a member of their alliance. The Russian syndicate. Lach sounds unwavering in his belief that Alexei can find her, and I want to believe it. He appears studious. Quiet and cultured and dangerous too, but in a more calculating manner than the other men I’ve seen. Can he really find Talia? I don’t know. But he’s the only hope I’ve got left.
Alexei takes the photograph and says something in Russian. And then he leaves the room.
I’m still too infused with relief to understand what’s really happening here. But when Lachlan pulls me close and starts peppering my face with kisses, it dawns on me soon enough. This is the moment I realize that our traumas never really go away. They live inside of us, in the deepest darkest pits of our own tiny hells. Cocked and loaded, waiting for someone to come along and pull the trigger.
Lachlan is pulling that trigger. He’s leaving me. Alone and afraid… and without him. My heart threatens to cave in under the weight of the pain.
“No.” I grab onto his coat and hold on. “What are you doing?”
His answer is the faintest brush of his lips against mine.
“No,” I say again, weakly.
“Mack.” He closes his eyes and buries his face in my neck as he holds me close. “I’m not handing ye over to the Russians, okay? Alexei is a mate, and I trust him. No harm will come to ye here, but I have to go.”
“No.”
I seem to have lost the ability to say anything else.
“Sweetheart, I have to.”
“You can’t do this to me,” I sob. “Don’t leave. Stay.”
He strokes my face, my hair, his eyes soft and completely devoid of any anger as he looks down at me.
“Ye’re beautiful, sweetheart,” he says. “There was no avoiding you, Mack. It was always meant to happen this way.”
“Don’t go back,” I plead. “I’m sorry. But just don’t go back.”
I know it isn’t fair. Or even realistic. But Lachlan gives me a pass for acting like an emotional two-year-old. He takes off his gold medallion and drapes it over my neck, still warm from his skin. I want to protest, but I cling to it instead. Like if he leaves it with me that means he’s going to come back for it too.
“Do ye remember when ye asked what a man like me wants?”
I let out a god-awful sound of despair in answer.
“I already have a family,” he explains. “And I will abide by whatever they decide for me, Mack. That’s how this works.”
I’m shaking my head, a protest on the tip of my tongue, but he just continues anyway.
“But if I was going to marry,” he says. “I’d have wanted it to be you.”
I crawl into his lap, clinging to him, hoping that he won’t be able to shake me off. That this isn’t happening how I think it is.
“Please…” I wrap my arms around his neck and sob against him.
He places one of his palms over my belly, and stares at it longingly. “I wanted to have a baby with you. Can ye believe it?” He looks up at me. “I’ve never wanted that with anyone.”
“You still can,” I insist.
I’d tell him anything right now to keep him from leaving. But it isn’t a lie. I’d have Lach’s babies. I’d have a whole brood of them if he wanted me to.
He kisses my ear and then my throat. “You’ll be safe here, Mack. I don’t want ye to worry about that. Alexei has given his word to keep ye safe.”
“No, Lachlan.”
He picks me up and tries to pry me off of him, but I keep fighting off the distance.
“I’m not letting you leave. I’m not letting you go back there without me. I can explain. I can try to fix things. I’ll make Niall understand. Anything… anything.”