Total pages in book: 58
Estimated words: 55839 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 279(@200wpm)___ 223(@250wpm)___ 186(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 55839 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 279(@200wpm)___ 223(@250wpm)___ 186(@300wpm)
“I figured you both hated me. I didn’t want to intrude on your lives.”
This makes me cry harder, knowing my father has been sitting here for years all alone.
“Why didn’t you reach out to us?”
He pulls out of the hug and his haunted eyes stare down at me. “Fear. Fear will make you believe the craziest of things. It makes you believe the world is out to get you.”
I hug him again. “Dad, nobody is out to get you. Especially not your children.”
“I wish the bastard who murdered your mother would have taken me instead. Your mom would have known how to handle it better. She would have been better than me.”
I rub my hands along my father’s arms. “I wish he would have never taken anyone, but you can’t change the past. No matter how hard you try. You just have to keep moving forward.”
He nods. “How did I get so lucky to have you for a daughter?”
A soft smile curves my lips, the warmth spreading through my chest like a comforting embrace. "I love you, Dad," I say, the words carrying the weight of years of unspoken sentiments and gratitude.
“I love you too,” he says, letting the words fall easily from his lips. “Do you want some coffee?” he asks as he hurries into the kitchen. “I want to hear all about you and Roman.”
“I’d love some,” I tell him, but then realize my father doesn’t know the truth about me and Roman. Only what he’s read in the papers.
The fauxmance.
I don’t know how to tell him the truth, but this meeting is a breakthrough with my father. This is the first time in years we’ve spoken so openly and freely. I can’t lie to him now.
“Roman and I aren’t really dating,” I tell him, my voice sounding flat to my own ears.
He sits back down at the dining room table and hands me a mug of coffee. “What do you mean?”
I breathe deeply as I resume my seat across from him, and let it out slowly before I explain everything to my father. He listens intently, asks a few questions, and smiles when I tell him about how we’ve been tricking the media with our charade.
“So, you don’t have feelings for him at all?”
“I love him.” The words free me. I feel lighter finally telling someone. Finally facing the truth.
“How does he feel?”
I slump my shoulders. The lightness is replaced with a heaviness that sits deep in my chest. “He’s Roman, Dad. I don’t think he’s capable of loving someone for the long term. Sure, he cares about me. We’re best friends, but that’s where it ends.”
“Your mother and I started out as friends. Some of the best relationships start out with friendship. It’s a great backbone.”
I nod. “I know. I know. But there’s something different about us. I’d hate to tell him how I feel and have him not agree, and then our friendship would be ruined. I’d never be able to handle that. Or what if we started something, and it didn’t work out? I just feel like there’s no going back to where we are now.” I shrug. “He’s dealing with a lot right now. I can’t make it all about me when he’s going through a rough time.”
“What’s wrong?” My father’s eyes are etched with worry.
I explain Roman’s anxiety, and discuss his panic attacks. “I think he just needs time.”
My father gives me a half-smile. “Time is something none of us have a lot of.”
“I know, but I’m scared.”
“I could give you a ton of cliché quotes about trying and regrets, but you already know all of those.” He sighs and smiles at me. “Here’s the only advice I have for you. Don’t let the what-ifs keep you from going after what you want. If I had listened to the what-ifs, I would never have asked out your mother. I often wonder what my life would have been like without marrying your mother.”
“And?”
“And I can’t fathom it. There’s never a clear picture. I didn’t get to spend a lifetime with your mother like we planned, but I’m still the luckiest man on the planet because I got to love her, and she loved me. It took me a long time to come to that conclusion. For many years, I thought your mother didn’t love me.” Tears well in his eyes. “But now I know she loved me. She loved us. God, Greer, she loved you so much.”
I try to fight back the tears, but there’s no use. “I know she did, Dad.”
He smiles even though he’s crying too. “I just remembered something.”
“What?”
“Your mother knew you liked Roman, and one night, she told me she had caught Roman staring at you. You were out back doing cartwheels, and he was in the kitchen watching you. Your mother said Roman told her you were just so pretty it was hard not to stare at you.” He chuckles. “Your mother told me that night she thought you two would end up together.”