Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 96612 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 483(@200wpm)___ 386(@250wpm)___ 322(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 96612 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 483(@200wpm)___ 386(@250wpm)___ 322(@300wpm)
Nan scoffed as my mom looked at me sadly.
“Just because your body was so worn down that you’ve slept without nightmares for a couple nights, doesn’t mean they’re gone,” Nan said flatly, meeting my eyes. “I still have nightmares from something that happened when I was younger than you. Those don’t just go away, Trix.”
“I just want to feel like myself again,” I yelled, jumping up from the table. “I feel normal when I’m here!”
“Oh, baloney,” my mom argued, rising to her feet so we were face to face again. “You’re not yourself! You can’t be—not after all that’s happened. Hell, Trix. I don’t know that any of us will ever be the same. Add your hormones to that, and right now you’re teetering on the ledge of a very high cliff.”
“But what if—”
“No,” Mom snapped, cutting me off. “No more ‘what-ifs.’ Do you love Cam?”
I closed my eyes and braced my hands on the table in front of me. I did. I loved him more than anything in the world. I was just so scared.
“Yes,” I finally rasped.
“He’s a good man, Bellatrix.” Mom’s voice was low and serious. “I know that you’re afraid. I even understand it, baby. But you’re throwing away something good—really good. And for what? Fear? I didn’t raise you to be a coward.”
I lifted my hands and buried my face in my palms as the first sob was torn from my throat, and once I’d started crying, I couldn’t stop. I curled forward as I sucked in a desperate breath of air, and my body sagged as my mom’s thin arms wrapped around my frame.
“I don’t know what to do,” I cried. “I messed up so bad, Mama.”
“It’ll be okay, baby. Shhh,” she soothed.
“What if he doesn’t forgive me? I’m so scared. What if everything’s different now? What if he turns into a monster?”
“If any of that was going to happen, you wouldn’t have already loved him for so long,” Nan said, standing up to swipe a hand down the back of my hair. “But right now, you need to get it together, because we were supposed to leave for your doctor’s appointment ten minutes ago.”
“Shit!” Mom yelped, pulling away from me and hastily wiping her face with her hands.
* * *
“Shall we take a look?” the ultrasound tech asked, lubing up a huge dildo-looking thing.
My eyes widened and my mom giggled behind my head.
“This isn’t funny,” I growled, glancing over to where Nan was sitting in a chair.
“Oh, yeah it is,” Nan mumbled.
After a few very uncomfortable minutes, suddenly the coolest sound poured into the room.
“Is that the heartbeat?” I asked in wonder. It sounded different than I’d thought it would.
“Hold on one second,” the tech replied, a look of concentration on her face. She laughed a little under her breath, and then the recognizable sound of a heartbeat reached my ears. “There you go.”
Then she moved the wand, making me extremely uncomfortable. “And there you go again.”
It took me about thirty seconds for her words to penetrate.
“What?” I snapped, trying to look closer at the little screen near the foot of the bed.
“There’s Baby A,” she used the mouse on her computer to point at one little flashing blob. “And there’s Baby B.” She moved just a fraction and pointed out a second blob.
“Holy shit,” I murmured, staring at the screen. “Two.”
“Twins,” my mom said, squeezing my shoulders as Nan stood up from her chair and crossed the room to get a better look.
“Two for the price of one,” Nan murmured, leaning forward over my chest so she could look at the computer screen. “Well, you’ve never done shit halfway.”
I laughed a little, my eyes glued to the screen. I couldn’t believe there were two of them in there. Cam was going to shit.
My eyes clouded with tears.
He should have been there.
“I wish Cam was here,” I whispered, making my mom squeeze my shoulders again.
The rest of the appointment passed in a blur, and before I knew it, I was in the back seat of my mom’s SUV and pulling inside the clubhouse gates. We’d stopped by the pharmacy to get some prenatal vitamins and my prescription for medicine to help me sleep. I hadn’t wanted to say anything to the doctor, but my mom had spoken up when he’d asked me if I had any other concerns. The doctor said the sleep medicine was pretty mild and wouldn’t hurt the babies, but I was skeptical.
I wasn’t putting anything in my body that I didn’t have to. If I started having trouble again, I’d think about the medicine, but until then, I wasn’t taking anything.
The doctor had also said that she’d get me a referral to a psychologist she’d worked in tandem with before. I wasn’t sure if that was the route to go, but I was grateful that I had options.