Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 95008 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 475(@200wpm)___ 380(@250wpm)___ 317(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 95008 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 475(@200wpm)___ 380(@250wpm)___ 317(@300wpm)
I wasn’t depressed, though. I never had been, even when shit had been terrible. Sad, yeah. Scared, hell yeah. But I’d never even considered that things wouldn’t eventually get better. Amy had told me once that nothing lasts, not good times or bad—so you had to just enjoy the good while it lasted and endure the shit until it was over. I figured that was a good philosophy to live by.
So, I knew that the sting of Draco’s dismissal would fade. The overwhelming grief that I felt wouldn’t always feel so overwhelming. It was just another thing I’d have to endure.
“I don’t have my car,” I said, coming to a stop in the driveway.
“Wondered when you’d notice,” Rose said from behind me, making me jump.
“Shit!”
“Come on,” she said, walking over to her SUV. “I’ll run you back to the clubhouse.”
“Thanks,” I said, hurrying to catch up with her.
“Your dad said he’d take you on the bike,” she called over the hood as she got inside. “But he’s beat, so I told him to stay with the boys,” she said as I climbed into the passenger seat.
“His leg been bothering him?” I asked. When I was a kid, my dad and Rose had been kidnapped and while they were held, my dad had been tortured. We didn’t talk about it, or the fact that he still limped when the weather changed, but I always knew when those old wounds were acting up.
“Nah,” she said reassuringly. “Climbing under cars all day just isn’t as easy as it used to be.”
“Gotcha,” I said, looking out the windshield.
“How are you doing really, princess?” she asked softly.
The familiar endearment hit me right in the gut. My dad had always used it and still did, but Rose had stopped as I’d gotten older.
“I’m okay,” I said. “I’m—Jesus, I’m fucking sad.”
“Been there,” she said quietly.
“I’m angry and I’m sad and I’m—I don’t know what to do with my hands, you know?” I flopped them out in front of me, making her chuckle. I knew she’d understand what I meant.
“When me and your dad split up back in the day,” Rose said, “I was exactly the same. Like, what do I do now? How am I supposed to just move on from this like it didn’t happen? And yeah, what am I supposed to do with my hands? It’s like your whole body feels foreign or something. You don’t know what to do with yourself.”
“Pretty much,” I said, twining my fingers together on my lap.
“I can’t tell you it gets easier,” she said as we paused at the gate to the clubhouse. A different prospect, looking bored out of his mind, was working the gate and he waved us through. “Because your dad and I got back together.” She looked at me. “But if you need anything or you just don’t want to be alone, or you just want to come home for a few days or a few hours to get away from everything, you know we’re always there. You’re my favorite person to hang with.”
“Lily’s your favorite,” I replied dryly.
“Lily’s everyone’s favorite,” we both said at the same time.
“But thanks,” I told her as she pulled up next to my car. “Love you, Ma,” I said as I opened my door.
“Love you, too,” she said softly.
I closed the door between us before we both started crying. There were only a few times in my life when I’d called Rose Ma. I referred to her as my mom to other people, because she was—she’d adopted me when I was a teenager. But I’d met her when I was older and I’d just always called her Rose when I was speaking to her. I wasn’t sure why, but it had stayed that way. So, when I called her ma, we both felt it. It had somehow become a special thing that we both understood, a private acknowledgement of her place.
She waved, blew me a kiss, and drove off as I got into my car.
I drove home in silence, not bothering to turn on the radio. Any upbeat song would irritate me and I was walking such a tightrope that I knew any breakup song would push me right off and I’d be a sobbing mess by the time I got there. I tensed as I passed a police car, but it must not have been Officer Asshole, because he paid no attention to me.
By the time I’d parked and made my way toward my apartment, my bag slung over my shoulder, all I wanted was to cry in the shower and crawl in bed. Between the flight home, the mess at the clubhouse, and dinner with my parents, it had been a long ass day.
As soon as I opened the front door, I knew it was going to be even longer. Charlie and Draco were sitting on the floor blocking my way inside. Curtis stood behind them with a guy I’d never seen before, probably one of Charlie’s admirers. He looked exactly her type. It only took a second for me to take all of that in, but it took a few moments longer to notice the expression on Draco’s pale face.