Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 78264 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 391(@200wpm)___ 313(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78264 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 391(@200wpm)___ 313(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
I hear movement, and while part of me wants him to hold me and make it all better, I wish he would leave me alone. It’s hard to keep the secret from his piercing eyes that can look into my soul.
I barely have the strength to survive this hell, never mind, fight him.
“Abigail,” he murmurs, his tone soft… almost loving.
God. I can’t…
I lower my head while I set the palette and brush down.
I hear him place something on the coffee table before he moves closer to me.
Hold me and never let me go. Even if the odds of us working as a couple are zero.
I can’t speak the words because Nikolai needs a strong woman beside him, and that’s not me. I already told him there will never be anything between us, and I won’t be able to do it a second time. The first was hard enough.
“Moya lyubov',” he says, his gentle voice cutting through the meager defenses I’m struggling to keep up around me, “you need to eat.”
I can’t. The bile in my stomach doesn’t stop churning long enough for me to eat.
His touch is soft as he takes hold of my shoulders. I stand up and let him lead me over to the sofa, where I get to sit again. There’s a plate of grilled chicken and roasted vegetables on the table.
I have no energy.
I have no will to live.
I have nothing to give to this cruel world.
Nikolai takes a seat beside me and cuts a piece of the grilled chicken breast. He brings the fork to my mouth, and I know if I refuse, it will lead to a fight.
My lips part, and I take the bite of food. No taste explodes over my tongue, and I struggle to chew and swallow.
“Relax. I’m here as a friend,” he says before he spears a piece of broccoli.
A friend. I need that more than ever.
Aurora has finally found her happiness with Misha. They got engaged and will marry soon. I can’t ruin that by talking to her about what happened to me.
I lift my eyes to Nikolai’s face, and our eyes lock as I take the bite of broccoli from the fork.
The corner of his mouth lifts. “My mother used to force-feed us whenever we wouldn’t eat our food.”
It’s hard to imagine the legendary Winter Hemsley being a mother. “What was your childhood like?” I ask.
“In short, it was amazing,” he answers without hesitation. “I grew up in a loving home.”
Unlike mine.
I let out a sigh. “It’s rare in our world to come from a loving home.”
Much to my surprise, he continues to tell me about himself. “I was a skilled fighter at the age of ten, and I killed my first man at sixteen.”
“Who?”
Nikolai shakes his head. “It was a guard who helped Inna sneak out to the mainland.”
My eyebrow lifts. “So it’s true? You live on an island?”
He nods, and there’s satisfaction on his face as he feeds me another piece of chicken. “You’ll love it. There’s plenty of nature to paint.” His eyes flick to the black canvas before he focuses on spearing another vegetable.
After I swallow the food, I ask, “Didn’t it get lonely on the island?”
“No.” His eyes meet mine, and there’s no sign of the dangerous man I’ve flirted with before hell was unleashed on me. His eyes are warm and kind, and it has me staring at him.
“Inna is only three years younger than me. We grew up being best friends. I got to attend school on the mainland, where I met Maxim. He’s my brother-in-law.”
“It must be nice that your best friend married your sister,” I comment.
Nikolai shakes his head. “No, I married Maxim’s sister. Anja. Inna is married to Sergei Romanhov. He’s part of the bratva.”
I don’t think as I ask, “What was it like being married?”
Nikolai is quiet for a moment, cutting the rest of the chicken into pieces.
He feeds me a bite, then says, “I only recently realized it took a lot out of me. Deceiving a dying woman came at a price.”
My eyes lock on his. “What price?”
There’s a moment’s silence while he feeds me more food before he admits, “It was hard to be intimate with her. I’m not good at pretending, so I had to work my ass off to make her believe I loved her. I never want to be in a position like that again.”
I don’t even realize that having a normal conversation with Nikolai is making me forget my demons for a blissful moment.
Before I know it, Nikolai places the cutlery down on the empty plate.
I lean my shoulder against the back of the sofa as I ask, “Why did you marry her?”
He shrugs before taking a deep breath. “I did it for Maxim. He wanted his sister happy during her final days.”