Total pages in book: 195
Estimated words: 185573 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 928(@200wpm)___ 742(@250wpm)___ 619(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 185573 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 928(@200wpm)___ 742(@250wpm)___ 619(@300wpm)
But I can’t.
The dream won’t let me.
Chapter 77
Madden
Ryan ends up staying for a week before he splits, and then it’s just Kieran, Zoe, and I. We fall into a steady routine, taking turns driving her down to the school on the compound every morning. He helps me around the house, cooking dinners and pitching in with Zoe’s homework. I’m not sure if he’s doing it out of a sense of duty or because he really just wants to be here right now, but either way, I’m not complaining.
I still feel like I’m navigating a lot of unknowns when it comes to Zoe, figuring things out day by day. I’ve been a part of her life since she was a baby, and I know her well. But going from being a participant to a full-time caretaker and rule maker is a different ball game. It’s my job to keep her safe now and make sure she eats some healthy shit, does her homework, and brushes her teeth. And sometimes, she doesn’t like that. But I know it will be an adjustment period, and we’ll figure it out.
When I’m not doing all of that, I focus on my job at the grow house. It keeps me busy but never takes away the emptiness. Every afternoon, I wind up at Birdie’s door, and almost every day is the same. Sometimes Bianca will say hello to me, and other times, she just shuts down and hides away. Dr. Woods keeps telling me to give it time, but I don’t know if time will fix anything anymore.
Kieran and I start spending our weekends at the clubhouse, performing some of our old songs. The crowd loves it, and it feels good to play for the hell of it again. I can see Kieran feels the same way too. When we’re deep into the music, I can forget all the uncertainties for a few minutes and just be.
This weekend, I invited Tori to bring Olivia down so she and Zoe can finally meet. When she showed up this morning, Kieran was cooking brunch for everyone, and I had to laugh when I saw him do a double take. Tori offered him a nervous smile, and for the rest of the afternoon, I’ve been catching them sneaking glances at each other.
I keep Olivia and Zoe entertained, playing some horseshoes in the backyard. And when dinnertime comes around, I grill for everyone before we head down to the clubhouse for the night.
“This place is pretty cool,” Tori says. “I never even knew it was here.”
“You’re welcome to come out anytime,” I tell her. “It seems like the girls are getting along well.”
“They are.” She smiles, and I can see how much this means to her. Tori doesn’t have any family left here, so I think she needs this.
She watches the kids while Kieran and I set up on stage, and it seems word has gotten around the compound because the place is packed tonight. We launch into our set, kicking things off with “Zoe’s Lullaby,” which makes the little rascal smile from ear to ear. Then we move on to some of our older material, playing a few of the first songs we wrote together. We’re about halfway through “Measure of a Man” when I glance into the crowd and see Bianca standing next to Birdie.
Our eyes connect, and I nearly forget my own fucking lyrics. Kieran catches on and covers for me with an impromptu drum solo before we get back into it. By some miracle, I manage to finish the song, and when I do, Bianca’s gaze is still on me. For a split second, I can feel the embers of that fire between us, and I wonder if she feels it too.
Kieran announces that we’ll be taking a break, and I set my guitar aside and hop down from the stage. Tori and the girls are there to greet us, and Zoe gives us both hugs before putting in her requests for our next songs.
“That was fantastic.” Tori gives me a hug too, and when she does, I can see Bianca watching us over her shoulder. I want to know what she’s thinking. I want to know why she’s sipping a ginger ale and what made her decide to come down here tonight. But before any of those thoughts can gather steam, she heads for the bathroom.
“I’ll be right back.”
I take off after her, catching her in the hall.
“Bianca.”
She freezes and then slowly turns to meet my gaze. And I can’t fucking help myself. I take a step closer and then another until there are no more steps to take. I can smell her for the first time in two months, and more than anything, I just want to grab her and kiss her and claim her all over again.