Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 138541 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 693(@200wpm)___ 554(@250wpm)___ 462(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 138541 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 693(@200wpm)___ 554(@250wpm)___ 462(@300wpm)
“I’ll drive you.”
I snatch the keys from the desk in the hall and pull the front door open. Clicking the button on the key, I watch as the car flashes twice and make my way to the boot.
“What about Dillan?” Nathan asks after I close the boot and make my way back to the house. “Can I still see him?”
“I’ll call you,” I respond and step into the living room. “Hey little man!” I try to give him my biggest smile. Dillan seems to like it, even though it’s forced and definitely fake.
I carry him out to the car, with Nathan trailing behind me. “I really wish you’d stay. We can work through this.” I pull open the back door and strap Dillan into his car seat.
“I’ll send mum for my stuff. You can pick your car up later. If you could pack everything, that would be a big help.”
He lets out a choked breath and looks away for a moment, as if trying to compose himself. When he turns back, he leans into the car and kisses Dillan’s forehead. Then he turns to me, his eyes moist and round with sorrow. “What if you’re pregnant?”
“I’ll worry about that if it comes to it.” I refuse to address this part as of yet.
“Will you…” He clears his throat, his hands balling into fists by his sides. “Will you tell me?”
I stop in my tracks, my hand resting on the car door. I don’t know what to say. We both know what my choice will be. “It’s probably better if you don’t know.”
His hand wipes across his mouth, his fingertips pinching his lips for a moment. “You won’t keep it… will you?”
I close my eyes, pushing more tears that I didn’t know were building down my cheeks. Shaking my head, I slide into the driver’s seat and place the key in the ignition.
“Gwen, god, I…” He chokes on his words, his eyes glistening. “I don’t know what to say to make you stay.”
“I don’t think there’s anything you can say,” I murmur, swallowing the lump in my throat and taking a deep breath to calm myself. “It’s done. I’ll never get past this.”
He looks up to the sky and inhales a large staggering breath. His eyes close for a long moment and I see wetness seep from between his lids and leave a shiny trail along the side of his nose. He wipes it away quickly and nods, taking a step back. “I’m lost without you, Gwen.”
“You’ll be okay,” I reassure him, my chest tingling at the sight of his tears.
He moves away from the door and I quickly close it. Using two of his fingers, he kisses the tips and places them against the glass.
I put the car in reverse and drive away.
I don’t look back.
It just hurts so much.
My chest feels empty. All I can feel is pain. So much pain.
When I pull into my mum’s, I sit parked in the driveway for what seems like a lifetime. I should have listened to her. I should never have gotten with Caleb.
I smack my hands against the steering wheel, my eyes blurring with tears. Then I smack them again and again until finally my body gives out and I slump forward onto my arms. The tears come in streams, never stopping, never relenting, just like the pain I feel inside.
My sobs are loud and make it hard for me to breathe.
I feel like I’m dying. I feel like I’m drowning.
“Why me? Why couldn’t you have found somebody else to ruin? I gave up everything for you!” The car door opens and I’m pulled out.
“Gwen, come on, let’s go inside,” my mum says softly and helps me towards the door.
As soon as we step inside, my legs buckle and we both fall to the floor. She holds me tight, her arms wrapped around me as I cling to her and cry into her chest.
“Everything’s a lie,” I sob. “Everything! Dillan, Caleb, Nathan. It’s all a lie.”
What would you do if you were to wake up tomorrow and see that this was all a dream? Would you do it all over again?
I’d go back to sleep and never wake up.
It has all been a dream, one sick twisted dream where an innocent, naïve, immature girl has been sucked into a life that should never have been hers.
“How could he do this?”
“Baby,” my mum says hoarsely, running her hand through her hair. “You need to tell me what’s happened. I can’t help you if I don’t know.”
“I trusted him. I loved him!”
“Are we talking about Nathan?”
I can’t answer. My throat hurts; the lump in it won’t shift and my eyes won’t open, they’re that swollen. “I hate them both. Where’s Dillan?”
“He’s in the living room; he’s okay.”
“I couldn’t… I’m a bad mum. I don’t... It hurts too much.”