Total pages in book: 65
Estimated words: 63702 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 319(@200wpm)___ 255(@250wpm)___ 212(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 63702 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 319(@200wpm)___ 255(@250wpm)___ 212(@300wpm)
He has fucked me twice now, and I know there is more in him tonight.
“For an old man, you’ve got a lot of stamina.”
He raises his hand and slaps my bottom so hard I yelp.
“Might be older than you, but I’ll make sure you’re well fucked for the rest of your life.”
For the rest of my life?
“I’m not certain you can handle me for the rest of your life,” I say, tracing the tattoos on his chest. “I’m high maintenance.”
He grunts. “Don’t I fuckin’ know it.”
We fall silent, and even though I hate bringing it up, I want to know more about his relationship with Chloe. I would be lying if I didn’t say thinking of it made me feel a little jealous, but I also have to remind myself that it ended because they wanted two different things and because she chose to walk away. Not everything is perfect.
“Will you tell me more about your relationship with Chloe?”
He stiffens a little. “I don’t want to talk about her.”
“I know you don’t, but...it’s something I need to know. Please.”
“Why? So you can compare yourself? Hurt your own feelings? What good will that do.”
“No,” I murmur, pressing my lips his hot skin. “So I can understand.”
He exhales, and I know he doesn’t like this subject, but eventually he talks.
“When I first met her, she was like sunshine. She was always happy and bubbly. She had a brightness about her that I needed in my life at that time. Western was in prison and shit was hard. She made it easier.”
I understand that. Chloe was like a mother to me, so I know exactly how her love could change someone.
“It was good for years. We balanced each other out, she loved the club and the guys, and she made herself fit in. Then she walked in on somethin’ she shouldn’t have, and everythin’ changed. It was then I realized she couldn’t handle the life ahead of her. That sunshine she carried around was far too pure for my shadowy world.”
“Do you really think her seeing what she did was what changed her mind, or was it what happened with Jeannie?”
“We were fightin’ before that. She wanted kids and she didn’t want them to have anythin’ to do with the club. After Jeannie, she stopped talkin’ about it but now I know that is because she was drownin’ in her own guilt and not because she had changed her mind. Chloe was never goin’ to stay with me, it just took her a long time to figure it out. The picture-perfect life she dreamed of couldn’t be created with bikes and tattoos.”
I have to admit, I never did quite understand why Chloe picked Colt. I get the desire to go for the rugged bad boy who makes all your wild fantasies come true, but he never fit the picture of the life she wanted, the life she always told me about when I was growing up. She wanted to live by the beach, have a heap of kids, be married in a beautiful church and have a husband who adored her.
It was so bright, the life she had planned.
“Did you ever suspect it was her?” I ask him, carefully.
“Not for a single fuckin’ second.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It wasn’t you who made the choice to lie,” he murmurs.
Part of me is afraid because I can still hear so much anger in Colt’s voice.
Can he truly ever move on and be with me when he is still cut up about the past?
My body must stiffen, because he rolls, turning to face me.
“I know what you’re thinkin’. Don’t.”
His face is tight as his eyes scan over mine.
“It’s hard not to. You’re so hurt still, so angry. I can’t help but feel this is just a temporary way of making you feel like you’ve had a win.”
Pushing away from me, he stands.
I’ve made him angry; I know it by the look on his face.
Standing naked, he reaches down for his jeans.
I can’t let him leave like this.
“Colt, wait,” I say, pushing to my knees to stand.
“I’m not goin’ to reassure you every fuckin’ day that I want to be here, Myla. If I didn’t, believe me, I fuckin’ wouldn’t.”
“I know, it’s just-”
“Just what? What do you want to hear from me exactly? Did I love Chloe? Of course I fuckin’ did. I loved her with everything I had at the time. She was my sunshine, she made me happy, but we wanted different things and eventually that caught up on us. Does that mean I shouldn’t be able to love again? To move on with someone else? To find happiness?”
I shake my head.
“It’s goin’ to take me a long time to feel nothin’ about what she did to me. I’m a human. I have fuckin’ emotions. She is the reason my sister is dead, but more than that, she lied to me. She left and died, without ever facin’ up to what she did. That isn’t somethin’ you forget easily but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a life to move forward with.”