Total pages in book: 177
Estimated words: 163387 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 817(@200wpm)___ 654(@250wpm)___ 545(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 163387 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 817(@200wpm)___ 654(@250wpm)___ 545(@300wpm)
So, I never allowed myself to feel anger, never felt I had the right. So the anger that seethed in my gut scared me a little bit with its intensity. And not knowing who exactly to be angry at didn’t help. There was also the fear that Cody, who already said all was forgiven, would change his mind once he’s had time to think things over.
I’d acted like a child, hiding, and crying, accusing him in my mind before I even spoke to him. He’s probably accustomed to more sophisticated girls who knew how to handle something like what happened and wouldn’t just jump to conclusions like I did.
Jess assured me that he didn’t strike her as the type, but there was no way of me knowing if she was right. I guess some might say just move on if that should be the case, that it was my first wade in the relationship pool and wasn’t meant to last anyway. But each time I imagined it, my heart would hurt as if something had struck it, and I would start to shake.
This vicious cycle went on all night until I was exhausted and drained and still no closer to a solution of any kind. I finally allowed myself to sleep sometime later after telling myself that I’d talk to Jess in the morning about some of the thoughts running through my head. I have no doubt that she’d tell me whether or not I was being stupid.
“Of course, you should be mad, I’m mad, and it didn’t even happen to me.” That was Jess’ outburst when I spoke to her the next morning before our first class. “So, what do you want to do?”
“Who said I want to do anything?” My tummy was a bundle of nerves. It felt like swarms of butterflies were playing tag in there.
“I know you remember. I’ve never seen you angry before, but I know when you get that stubborn little crease in your forehead, you mean business, so what is it?” She was right. Though mom never gave me much breathing room, there were moments, especially after meeting Jess, where I felt comfortable enough to let my guard down and show something other than the good little girl I was supposed to be.
“I want to find out whoever did this and make them pay.” I felt such relief after saying that out loud, but I still looked at Jess to gauge her reaction.
“Ooh, you go, tiger.” She bumped my shoulder with a laugh. “That’s the spirit. Someone mess with you; you put your foot in their ass.” That was always her mantra.
“No, not this time, this time I’m not just angry for me. Did you see Cody’s face last night? He was hurt, I hurt him, and it was because of whoever did this.”
Jess didn’t say anything but the way she looked at me; I felt like I’d grown another head. “Wait, what did you just say?” I knew she didn’t really need me to repeat myself, so I just kept walking in step beside her. “My chickee is growing up.” She actually looked like she was about to tear up.
“I’m being serious. I thought about it all night. I don’t think I’ve ever been this angry before.”
“Not even when your mom kept you from….”
“Whatever you’re about to say doesn’t come close.” And it’s true. For myself, I’d probably have talked myself out of my anger, but for that look I saw on Cody’s face, I can’t let this go.
“So, what should I do? I have to do something.”
“Are you serious?” Her whole demeanor changed, and she stopped me with a hand on my elbow. I thought she was going to try to talk me down, but I should’ve known better. “Because if you are, I’m in. I’d have felt the same way if someone tried to mess with my relationship.”
She nodded her head in encouragement when I didn’t say anything but the truth is I couldn’t. Now that I’d put it out there, that meant I’d have to go through with it. But what ‘it’ was, I still had no idea. One moment I wanted to rip someone’s head off, and the next, I wanted to do much worst, which is weird because I abhor violence.
“I still haven’t figured out what I want to do or even where to start.”
“One step at a time. We’ll come up with something, but you must know this may not be over, that this person might strike again.”
“Something I don’t understand; why didn’t they send it to my phone? Why Alexis’?”
“That’s easy. Your phone number isn’t public, and you haven’t given it to anyone other than Cody and me. Alexis, on the other hand, has friends and a very active social media presence, which makes it easy to find her. Right now, she’s the closest one to you, proximity-wise, because you share a room. At least, I think that’s what happened.”