Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 94639 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 473(@200wpm)___ 379(@250wpm)___ 315(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94639 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 473(@200wpm)___ 379(@250wpm)___ 315(@300wpm)
“I will,” he promises. “I miss you so much, Harper. What the hell is the point of following my dreams if you aren’t there with me?”
“Landon.” I choke on a sob. “It’s not fair to put that on me and you know it. I can’t be the reason you quit. You’ve worked your entire life for this. You can’t quit. I won’t let you.”
“Fuck!” he yells. “I don’t know how to fix this, baby. This sucks.”
“You can’t,” I say honestly. “We just need to take a step back. Let our hearts heal, and once they do, we can go back to being friends again.”
“Is that what you want?” he asks.
“I think it’s what we need.”
“Okay.” He sighs, and I hate how defeated he sounds. “But if you ever need me…”
“I know.”
We hang up, and I spend several hours crying into my pillow, until my tears run out and my body gives up and I fall into a fitful sleep, wishing things could be different, but knowing this is how it has to be.
Nine
Harper
“Just one drink!” Melissa pushes the red Solo cup my way. “It’s Halloween and we’re at a college party. Quit being a fucking downer!”
It’s been almost two weeks since Landon and I agreed to cut ties, and it doesn’t feel like my heart is any closer to healing. Last week, in a moment of weakness, I called him. It ended with me sobbing into the phone and Landon apologizing over and over again, begging me not to cry. He even suggested we get back together, even though we both know that won’t help. Our issue would still be the same. He’s eleven hours away and we have no clue if or when we’ll ever be in the same city.
I was stupid to think we could go from dating back to being friends. It doesn’t matter that our breakup was nobody’s fault. Even knowing we’re only broken up because of the distance doesn’t change how badly it hurts. I’ve promised myself that no matter what I’m not going to call or text him until I can do so without crying. Landon needs to focus on baseball and he can’t do that with me distracting him with my broken heart.
“Yeah, what she said,” Richie yells over the music thumping through the walls of the house, bringing me back to the present. Grabbing the drink from Melissa, he takes a sip then hands it to me. “Live a little, Harper.”
“I can live without drinking,” I argue, shaking my head.
“Yes, but your life won’t be as fun.” Angela winks, grabbing the other cup Melissa is still holding and downing the contents.
“You’re heartbroken,” Angela says. “And I get you’re trying to stay strong, but it’s okay to let go. Drown your sorrows in a cup of Vodka and let yourself forget for a little while.”
“Yeah, what she said,” Melissa says, grabbing the cup from Richie and thrusting it in my direction.
“Fine.” I take the cup and swallow a large gulp. The alcohol is strong and burns my throat. Everyone cheers once I empty the cup and drop it onto the table.
“To forgetting!” Angela yells.
“To forgetting!” everyone yells back, downing their glasses.
“Now, let’s dance!” Angela grabs my hands and pulls me into the middle of the living room, where we spend the next however many hours dancing and drinking and laughing.
Melissa keeps my cup filled, but I don’t drink them as quickly as I did the first one, not wanting to get drunk. It feels good to let loose, to forget about my aching heart for a little while. But that doesn’t mean I have to get trashed like Melissa does at every party.
“Hey, Harper, dance with me,” Richie says, pulling me away from Angela and into his arms.
“Are you having a good time?” he asks. His body rubs against mine, and it feels good. After so long of not feeling connected to someone, of missing Landon and the way we would kiss and touch and make love, I’m craving the connection.
“I am,” I tell him, allowing him to pull me closer. His knee parts my thighs and rubs against my center, and for a brief moment I pretend it’s Landon who’s parting my thighs. It’s Landon who’s rubbing against me. And my body tingles at the thought. I’m so turned on. It’s been months since I’ve been with Landon, and it feels good to pretend, even if it will probably hurt once I’m sober. Closing my eyes, I rub my hands up and down his chest. He’s not hard and muscular the way Landon is, but I pretend. Allowing myself to get lost in the music and his touch, I pretend.
“Let’s go someplace quiet,” he murmurs into my ear. I nod, suddenly feeling dizzy and overheated.
When we get to what I assume is Richie’s room, based on the décor, he immediately starts stripping off my clothes. His touch sends chills up my spine, but I’m not sure if it’s in a good or bad way. I keep my eyes closed, continuing to pretend. His lips find my neck, and I pretend they’re Landon’s lips. These lips are too rough, too anxious to be Landon’s, but I pretend they’re soft and sweet, just the way Landon’s always are.