Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 97592 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 488(@200wpm)___ 390(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97592 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 488(@200wpm)___ 390(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
I hear what you’re saying universe, and it’s a big fuck you.
But how about this? Since you decided to break my baby son’s arm and all…
Fuck you too.
Sitting in the waiting room while your child is in surgery has to be the most excruciating situation for a mother. The clock says I’ve only been sitting in this same uncomfortable hospital chair for an hour, but it might as well be days.
“You doing okay?”
I look up from where my hands are white-knuckling the scuffed-up wooden armrests of my seat and find Gavin’s eyes on me. He’s still here, sitting beside me in the waiting room. I didn’t ask him to, but for some reason, he stayed.
His forest-hazel eyes search mine, and I clear my throat, trying to push the ball of emotion out of the way so I can speak words.
“Yeah,” I lie. “Just hoping everything is going okay in there.”
“I’m sure everything is fine,” he says with all the confidence in the world. That statement feels a lot easier for someone who isn’t the mother of the five-year-old child who is currently in surgery.
He puts his arm around my shoulders and urges me closer to his side…just like he did when he first arrived to Noah and me only inches apart. Instantly, I feel some of the same tension I felt until Noah left to head into the OR.
Which, of course, makes me think about my baby boy all over again.
At least Noah is with him, my mind reminds me. Whether or not we almost kissed does not matter, but his being in surgery with Grant does.
Avoidance! Party of one!
Good grief, what is wrong with me?
I lean my head back against the wall and let out a deep sigh. My baby, my Grant, is currently sedated and undergoing surgery, and I’m sitting here thinking about things that shouldn’t matter at all.
Truth be told, I really dropped the ball as a mom.
I should’ve been at home with my kids.
I should’ve been the one to be there when Grant got hurt.
I should’ve been the one at his side when he arrived in the ambulance.
And I sure as hell should’ve been the last face he saw before they wheeled his bed back to the ER.
Me. Not his nanny Zoe. But me.
It’s bad enough that my boys’ dad is a fuckup and a no-show. Their mom is supposed to be stable. Reliable. There.
“You hungry?” Gavin asks and gently grips my shoulder. “Thirsty? I could go grab us some snacks and drinks from the cafeteria if you want.”
I shake my head. The only thing I want to do is see my kid.
And I definitely want to be the mom to him that I should’ve been today. Not busy with dates at expensive Italian restaurants with handsome businessmen.
“I don’t think this is going to work.” The words fall from my lips without refinement, but I don’t regret them. Instead, I turn in my seat, shaking off the arm around my shoulders, and face Gavin. “I think you’re a great guy, Gavin. And I really appreciate how awesome you’ve been tonight. The fact that you’re sitting here in the waiting room with me says a lot. But I don’t think I’m ready to be dating right now. My life is busy enough as it is. I don’t think I’m ready to complicate it with a relationship.”
His expression is oddly neutral. “Sammy, I understand what you’re saying, but I think you’re wrong.”
“What? Why?”
The last thing I expected was to have him fight me on this.
“You’re a single mom of two boys with a busy life and tons of responsibility. I think you deserve to have fun. More than anyone, really, you deserve to have fun.”
“Deserving something and it being a good idea are two entirely different things,” I challenge. “Grant is currently in surgery because he broke his arm, and I wasn’t there.”
“Babe, this is not something you should feel guilty about,” he says and reaches out to pat my thigh gently. “Kids get hurt sometimes. It’s what they do. You can’t stop or prevent that. This was a freak accident and nothing you could’ve prevented, even if you had been with him. And what about when he’s at school or you’re at work? You’re away from him then too. It’s a reality you can’t avoid, no matter how hard you think you should try.”
“I don’t know, Gavin…” I pause and stare down at where his hand is still gently touching my thigh. “I just don’t think I’m ready for dating and relationships.”
“You deserve to have fun,” he repeats his earlier words. “Don’t get lost in details like dates and relationships. Just let me keep taking you out. Use me for fun.”
Use him for fun? I don’t know what to think of that comment.
“Sammy, I really like you,” he adds and reaches out to take both of my hands in his. “We don’t need to label this. Let’s just take it one day at a time. No commitments, okay? Just fun.”