Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 98226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 491(@200wpm)___ 393(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 491(@200wpm)___ 393(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
I blinked, letting the words settle over me, waiting for them to feel as expected as they should have been, waiting for them to feel okay — but they never did. Even though I was ready to say the same thing to him, hearing it come from his mouth first surprised me.
Why did it surprise me?
I expected Joel to want to talk, to apologize for the pool, for what happened with Ivy, to ask me where I thought we should go next.
I thought it would be me doing the breaking up.
I was sick over being the one to break his heart.
And now…
“You want to break up,” I repeated, testing the words on my tongue.
“I know it may feel… sudden,” he admitted, grabbing the back of his neck. He wouldn’t look at me when he added, “I just feel like we’re stuck. I want to find myself, you know? I want to see the world, and go out, make new friends and make memories with the ones I already have. I love this lifestyle,” he added, gesturing a hand around him before his eyes landed on me. “And after the way this summer has gone so far, I can tell you very clearly do not.”
I blinked again, several times, trying to digest his words. I could have just said okay and left it at that. But unwarranted as it may have been, I was offended by his reasoning.
“Because I don’t want to party?” I asked.
“Look at you,” he said exasperated. “You’re miserable. And I feel responsible for that, I do, but at the same time… I’m not sorry.”
“You’re not sorry,” I repeated, beginning to feel like a parrot. But I was having a hard time wrapping my head around it, the fact that Joel still didn’t see his role in any of our demise. “After everything that’s happened, all the breakdown of communication and the pool party—”
“I don’t want to pretend to be someone I’m not,” Joel interrupted, his voice strained. “And I don’t want you to have to pretend either.”
I swallowed, thinking about who I’d become over the last couple of months, trying to remember the girl I’d been that first day I walked onto the boat.
She seemed like a stranger now.
After a while, Joel shrugged, reaching over to grab my hand. “We’ve grown apart.”
I frowned, staring at where his hand gripped mine as I traced back through the summer, at what was happening in my mind versus what was happening in Joel’s. I was still trying to process it when he dropped another bomb.
“I talked to Theo already.”
My eyes snapped to his and my heart leapt into my throat. “You did?”
Oh God.
Did Theo tell him what happened?
Joel nodded with an apologetic smile. “He understands, and he agrees that we shouldn’t be together on the boat any longer. It just wouldn’t be professional.”
I frowned. “Okay…”
“So, we’ve arranged for you to fly back to the States this evening.”
“You what?!”
“Theo’s already taken care of everything,” Joel said as I ripped my hand from his. “He’s got a car coming later this afternoon and a first-class ticket home — which is very nice, all things considered.”
“So, let me get this straight,” I said, standing, pacing with my heart beating like a war drum in my chest. “Not only are you breaking up with me, but you’re kicking me off the boat?” My heart sank like an anvil. “And Theo agreed with you that this was the right thing to do?”
“Aspen,” Joel said sympathetically, the way you would try to soothe an upset child. “Surely, you knew this was co—”
“And I’m sure this has nothing to do with Ivy, right? And the fact that you’ve been fucking her every summer that you worked together — this one included?”
Joel’s lips flattened, and he looked away from me with a shake of his head instead of a response.
It was irrational. I knew, deep down in my gut, that it was. How could I be upset with Joel for breaking up with me when I was ready to do the very same thing? How could I accuse him of fooling around with Ivy, of her being the reason for this decision, when I had been far from innocent with Theo?
I had no right to be upset, and yet I’d never been angrier in my life.
“You can’t do this!” I screamed, tears flooding my eyes.
“I can call your sister, if you’d like,” he said, ignoring my plea. “Have her pick you up at the airport.”
“Don’t you dare,” I said on a sniff, pointing my finger directly at his nose. “Don’t ever speak to any of my family ever again. Or to me, for that matter.”
“Aspen, this is for the best.”
I shook my head, ripping my backpack from where I’d stored it in our closet and tossing it onto the bed. I unzipped the top open and started grabbing anything of mine that I saw, throwing it inside the bag without care.