Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 98226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 491(@200wpm)___ 393(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 491(@200wpm)___ 393(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
Then, the laughter faded, and Theo’s smile waned, and in the quiet night with nothing more than the waves washing softly against the boat, I became suddenly and breathlessly aware of the fact that I was half-naked in a hot tub with Theo Whitman.
“So,” he said after a moment. “Should we address the purple elephant in the room?”
My heart stopped in my chest, kicking back to life with a sharp thud. “What elephant is that?”
“Why aren’t you on shore with everyone else?”
I sank deeper into the water on my next exhale. “Oh,” I said, relief flooding me, though I wasn’t sure what else I thought he might have been referring to, instead. “I was just too tired to go party all night,” I said with a shrug. “Honestly, I don’t know how they do it — working all day like that just to hang out all night and get up early to do it all again.”
“It definitely takes a special kind of person,” Theo agreed. Then, he tapped his fingers absentmindedly on the side of his glass, eyes glancing at the stairs behind me. “Joel didn’t stay behind with you?”
My stomach twisted at the reminder of what I’d been trying to forget all night. “No… but it’s okay. He was really excited about getting off the boat and seeing Italy. I don’t blame him.”
“I’m sure you two have spent a lot of time together anyway.”
I smiled.
At least, I think I smiled.
“Yeah.”
Theo tilted his head. “You’re doing it again.”
“Doing what?”
“Biting your tongue. Denying yourself the satisfaction of saying what you really want.”
I frowned. “I’m not… I wanted him to go. I wanted him to have fun, he deserves it.”
“And what about you?” Theo asked, and though it was only a marginal distance, I felt the heat of him moving closer, like he was the source of the hot tub’s warmth altogether. “What do you deserve?”
My breath caught in my chest, lips parting on a breath as Theo watched me. This close, even in the dark, those blue dusk eyes were so striking they rendered me speechless. And his gaze never wavered, not until so much time had passed that a chuckle left his lips.
“It really does make you uncomfortable, doesn’t it? To think of yourself instead of others.”
I didn’t respond. I was too busy reminding myself how to breathe.
In and out.
Inhale.
Exhale.
“I think I know what it is,” Theo mused. Then, he leaned back, giving me enough space to clear the dizziness. He finished what was left in his glass, setting it aside before he pointed at me. “You’re scared of hurting someone, or of being judged. You’re afraid that by saying what you actually want, you’ll disturb the peace.”
I frowned, opening my mouth but not sure what words to give it to speak. “I’m… I’m not…”
“It’s co-dependency in its truest form,” he continued. “Instead of asking yourself what you want and then doing that, you ask yourself what will make everyone else happy, what will make them feel okay.”
I shook my head, but the truth of his words made the motion feel sticky and slow.
“You are. You’re too scared to be honest.”
“I am not!” I said, louder this time, with enough determination to make Theo tilt his head.
“Okay then,” he said, and he dipped lower into the water, until it slipped over his chin and met the bottom of his lower lip. The moonlight reflected off the water and into his eyes as he inched closer to me. “Tell me something true.”
I swallowed, heart racing more and more the closer he came. When I was sure I’d pass out if he came even an inch closer, he stretched back, elongating himself over the water and floating for a moment before he sat upright again, the water at his chest.
He stared at me.
Waiting.
“Go on,” he said. “Tell me something so true you’ve never spoken it out loud.”
I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest at the ridiculous request.
Theo just arched a brow.
“I don’t know what you want from me.”
“Oh, there are many things I want from you, Miss Dawn,” he said, sliding across the water until he was so close I felt his breath on my nose. He watched me for a long moment, eyes flicking back and forth, lips curling a bit when he noticed the way my chest heaved in my next breath. “Tell me something you’ve never told anyone else.”
And I couldn’t explain it, what happened next, with his eyes on me and the steam of the water drifting between us. A chill raced up the spine of my neck, hairs standing on end, and below the water, my fingers curled under my thighs, as if I were Eve and I needed to sit on them to keep from reaching out for the forbidden fruit.
“You’re right,” I whispered. “I am afraid.”