Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 138287 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 691(@200wpm)___ 553(@250wpm)___ 461(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 138287 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 691(@200wpm)___ 553(@250wpm)___ 461(@300wpm)
“Um,” I started, paused, and then picked invisible lint off the comforter as I pulled up my knees. “A couple of years, I guess.” Apart from Pearl, that was.
His eyes widened. “How do you live?” He shook his head as if to clear it. “Fuck, you must jerk yourself like twelve times a day.”
“What?” I laughed but it was uncomfortable. “I don’t do that.”
“You’re twenty-four years old.” He looked like he wanted to strangle me. “What do you mean you don’t masturbate?”
Why was it an issue? More so, why were we talking about this?
I choked out the words. “This is really none of your business.”
This conversation was not happening.
“Don’t you miss that—” Connor kept his eyes on me and made a show of linking his fingers together in the air between us. “—human connection.”
Okay, so this conversation was happening. May as well be frank. “Well, sure, but it’s not something people need.” I corrected myself. “It’s not something I need.”
“It’s not about needing something, baby.” He reached over and touched my fingertip with his own, lightly caressing the delicate skin there. “Sometimes what you want is just as important.”
The expression I wore told him I thought he was wrong. “Look, I’m not guarding my virginity.”
“You are,” he stated matter-of-factly.
God, he was maddening. “I am not. In fact, if the opportunity came up, I’d be glad to lose it because it’s not the big deal everyone makes of it!”
If Connor were a dog, his ears would’ve perked up. “Really?”
“Really,” I told him, one hundred percent over this chat.
“Emmy, I feel like we’ve made some real progress here. I’m proud of you, baby.”
“Oh, wonderful,” I deadpanned.
Connor sat up and leaned over, and when he ran his thumb across my lips and muttered, “They’re so soft,” I stilled. Then he tried to peer into my mouth. “Show me your teeth.”
I wasn’t sure why I did but I forced a smile anyways and I felt like a horse being show checked.
“Nice,” he stated with a smile. “You have great teeth, Thumbelina.”
“Uh…” My face started to flush. “Thank you?”
“So.” He looked around my room. “We doin’ this or what? ‘Cause otherwise, I think I’m gonna hit the hay.”
I was so confused. “Doing what?”
“Fucking,” he stated like I was ridiculous for asking.
“What?” This came out shrill.
Connor’s eyes widened but he kept his smile. “You just said you’d fuck if you could.” He held out his arm. “Well, here I am, baby.” He wrapped his hand around the thick erection in his pants and I couldn’t take my eyes off it. “Reporting for duty.”
“Connor...” My heart started to race. “No.”
“Why not?” He sounded a little vexed. “You’re single, and I wanna mingle—” He bit his tongue cheekily. “—with your cooch.”
I couldn’t breathe. He was serious. I choked out, “We can’t.”
“Why not? No one will ever know.” He moved to lie next to me, on his stomach. He put his hand to my knee and gently touched the skin there. “I’m good at keeping secrets, Emmy. Are you?”
When I paused to think, I was appalled at myself.
Oh my God, do not tell me you’re actually considering this.
Maybe I was. “I can’t lose this job, Connor.” He had no idea how important it was to me.
To Nanna.
He looked up at me and reiterated, “Didn’t you hear me? I won’t tell a soul.”
My chest ached. I wanted nothing more than to wake up from this dream but, shockingly, when I pinched my shin as hard as I could, all it did was hurt.
Connor attempted to put his hand under my robe but when I slapped it away, he chuckled lightly. “Okay, so maybe jumping into the deep end isn’t your thing and that’s cool. Smart, even.” He slightly tilted his head to the side. “What if we just fool around a little?”
I licked my lips and asked a rough, “Fool around how?” Oh, God, I just publicized that I was actually contemplating this. “What does that mean?”
Connor took a deep breath in then exhaled slowly. “Kissing. Touching, over clothing only.”
Well, that didn’t sound too scary. My brows furrowed. “Huh.”
“Time’s a wasting, Emmy.” He made a tick-tock sound.
I snapped at him. “Don’t rush me.” At war with myself, I don’t know what I was thinking when I uttered a quiet, “Okay.”
Connor stilled then sat up, surprised. “Yeah?”
I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. Keeping my eyes on the comforter, I nodded jerkily.
The truth was, I did miss intimacy, and Connor was safe. I knew him and I didn’t expect anything more than was offered. It wouldn’t get weird. I wouldn’t let it. And… oh Lord, I wanted to be kissed again really, very badly.
He slapped a hand down on the bed and let out an eager, “All right.”
“Wait,” I said before getting up and sliding on a pair of shorts under my robe.