Total pages in book: 92
Estimated words: 87781 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 439(@200wpm)___ 351(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87781 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 439(@200wpm)___ 351(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
Along the way, she meets Lovia, Death’s daughter, sees some pretty gnarly things, and is eventually captured by Death himself. She pleads with him to spare her father’s life and she will be his.
He likes that. So, he agrees and takes her to his castle, Shadow’s End. There, she meets an assortment of characters, including Sarvi, the non-binary undead unicorn, Raila, her mysterious and always veiled Deadmaiden, and some other undead people. She also hears a lot about Louhi, Death’s demonic ex-wife, who seems interested in raising the Old Gods to take over the Underworld and put her in charge. She wants to unleash Kaaos, a return to an afterlife where everything is equally horrid. “Kaaos is a ladder,” as Littlefinger would say. Whoops, wrong book.
Anyway, eventually, Hanna and Death warm up to each other. And by warming up, I mean they have all the sex. Even with his mask on, it’s sexy as hell (maybe sexier?). Death’s kind of a grumpy dick, but Hanna can take it. Oh, and she takes it.
Eventually, he takes off his mask, and she’s like, wow, he looks like Jason Momoa, maybe this isn’t so bad. But just when she’s getting used to the idea (I mean, she’s been kidnapped into luxury, and there’s a library and good food and clothes, also a little mermaid in a fishtank, whom she eventually yeets back into the sea), along comes Rasmus to fuck things up!
He takes her away from Shadow’s End on the back of another undead flying unicorn. Rasmus wants to help her (genuinely) and along the way, they stay in a cave that’s seriously gone all The Last of Us, with freaky fungi and a mushy lady. There, they learn some truths, such as Hanna having an evil twin and also, Rasmus is her brother. And her father slept with Louhi. Geez, Dad!
Eventually, they leave the cave, and then it turns into The Neverending Story (you know the part, I can’t talk about it) and Louhi comes on the scene and is all crazy and shit, but Hanna cuts off her tongue in a sweet battle. Then, Death shows up, and Rasmus is taken by Louhi.
By the way, Death is super pissed off at her for leaving. He drags Hanna back to Shadow’s End, forces her to marry him, then throws her into an oubliette. She’s eventually rescued by Raila and his daughter, and then a really tense marriage follows.
With hot sex.
There are visits to the Crystal Caves, which makes you super horny, plus a voyage to the bottom of the sea to visit with Death’s relatives (super not horny). Everyone is interested in who Hanna’s mother could be, since the giant Vipunen has been training Hanna to fight and he told her that her mother isn’t her real mother but a Goddess, Jerry Springer-style.
But the more pressing issue is the whole prophecy thing and the uprising. Death is worried about all that, so he creates a duplicate of himself using shadow magic, and then has a threesome with Hanna and himself—basically a big fuck sandwich where he’s both the bread AND the meat.
Then, they all go to the Bone Match so they can dupe the public into thinking Hanna is the chosen one and can touch Death and live (did I mention he can’t touch anyone with his bare hand?).
But something goes wrong. Death’s Shadow Self is taken over by Louhi, Death gets killed by Salainen, the evil twin, and Hanna is thrown into a cell with him to rot.
Just when all hope seems lost, she touches the dead Death, and he is brought back to life. She can touch him! She is the chosen one! So she fucks him! And then she grows fucking WINGS, and her hair turns to fire.
And he’s like, “oh shit, I know who your mother is. She’s the Goddess of the Sun!”
And she’s like, fucking cool. So now what?
Now what, indeed…
Chapter 1
Lovia
The Cold
Nothing makes me feel more like a mortal than the fact that I hate my job.
If there’s one thing I learned from my time spent in the Upper World, it’s that nearly every human I’ve run across detests their vocation. Whether it’s driving people around in cars, serving them overly-complicated coffees, or working in tiny, airless rooms often described as “offices” and “workspaces,” every mortal being seems to decry what they do for a living.
I guess that’s what makes what I do a little more complicated. See, I don’t ferry the dead for a living. I don’t take my boat to meet the recently deceased at Death’s Landing and transport them to the City of Death so I can make money. I’m not supporting a lifestyle (I mean, what lifestyle?).
I do it because I have to, because I am the daughter of Death, a Goddess beholden to the realm, and it is my duty. In our world, duty trumps everything. You do it because it is your role in life, and don’t you dare ever question it…or else.