Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 99949 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99949 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
“No!” I somehow managed to scream when I saw the neatly dressed orderly preparing the projector and the strange little box attached to it. Icy-cold water blasted me, washing away the shit where it clung to my body, and then I was in the chair. I fought with every last bit of strength I had as I was strapped to the chair while Father Abbott prayed for me. The room began to go dark so that the images on the slides would be easy to see. I closed my eyes and thought about the sharp strip of wood I’d managed to break off the doorframe of my cell. I could feel it digging into my skin. The pain nearly stole my breath when the wood finally pierced my flesh and blood began to flow down my arm. Exhaustion swept over me and something soft brushed over the skin of my forehead. I sighed in relief as I slipped beneath the dark blanket of sleep.
I was at peace now, but even in sleep I knew it wouldn’t last. I’d need the blood and pain to come to my aid again soon enough.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
LINCOLN
“Are you sure he doesn’t need to go to the hospital?” Ford asked me as he clung to Theo’s hand.
“He’ll be drowsy for a little while when the sedative starts wearing off, but I don’t think he’ll have another panic attack. At least not like this one,” I said grimly as I rested my hand on Theo’s arm. I was sitting in a chair on one side of his bed while Ford was doing the same on the other side. “He may not even remember what caused this one,” I added.
I sure as shit hoped I was right. As a medical professional, I knew the panic attack wouldn’t have actually killed Theo, but as the man who loved him more than anything else, I’d been so fucking scared in those seconds that it had taken for Cam to run up to my room to get my medical bag so I could sedate Theo. I’d tried everything to pull him out of it, but he hadn’t looked at me even once. I didn’t know if he’d been having a legitimate hallucination or something more like a nightmare, but whatever it had been, it had shown how damaged Theo’s mind really was.
His screams had woken the entire household. Cam had taken care of keeping everyone from rushing into the kitchen, and when things had calmed down after I’d injected the sedative, Cam had gathered everyone but Ford in another room to explain the situation. Theo was light enough that I’d been able to carry him up the stairs, but I’d been glad to have Ford’s hand against my elbow to support me if I’d lost balance or stepped wrong.
From the moment I’d woken up to find Theo gone, I’d been on an adrenaline high, and it was only now that I was starting to crash. As tired as I was, though, I couldn’t take my eyes off the man who now owned my heart. I kept checking his pulse to make sure it was steady and strong.
Theo’s level of fear that the fuckers who’d hurt him would come after him if he told anyone about what had been done to him had scared me to death. He’d been talking so fast that I hadn’t even understood all of it, but I’d been helpless to calm him or reassure him that he was and always would be safe.
I’d understood his need to tell Cam about the conversion camp. With his memories of his life there starting to surface, his guilt that he’d never told anyone the truth about how kids were being treated in that place had started to surface too. After I’d settled Theo in his bed and gotten him comfortable, Ford hadn’t been able to do anything but stare at his friend’s scarred arms. I’d been grateful when Cam had appeared and forced Ford to accompany him to their room so they could talk. The guilt of not knowing how bad Theo had really had it was crushing Ford’s spirit, something Cam had clearly known when he’d come to get him. I’d seen it for myself when Cam had led him from the room just as I could still see it now.
“He doesn’t blame you for any of it, Ford,” I said quietly. “He told me what happened in that shed and while your reaction to Jimmy’s arrival caught him off guard, he understood why you did it,” I murmured, hoping to alleviate some of his guilt.
“I knew there was something off with him when Cam and I went to see him. I should have pressed him harder, but I didn’t feel like I had the right.” Ford looked up from where he’d been staring at his and Theo’s linked fingers. “I need the truth, Lincoln. The hard truth. The truth that he’ll try to downplay when he wakes up. I’m not asking for details that he’s trusted only you with, but Cam keeps telling me I need to forgive myself. I can’t do that if I don’t know what really happened. Theo will try to spare my feelings. But you, you love him. I can see it in the way you look at him. I need you to give me the anger, the hurt, the pain that he never will. Cam feels my pain even though he wasn’t around for any of it, so I know you feel Theo’s.”