Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 99949 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99949 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
“I won’t touch you again, Theo,” Lincoln said gently as he eased around the bed and settled into the armchair by the window seat. “Can I get you some water or anything else?”
I managed to shake my head as I shifted my body back against the headboard and tucked my knees against my chest. I couldn’t bear to look at him. I was barely holding it together. “Can you… can you just go?” I choked out. “Please.”
There was a long pause, but I didn’t dare look at him. I didn’t want to see his reaction to my freak-out.
“No, Theo, I’m sorry but I can’t do that,” Lincoln finally responded.
I let out a strangled laugh. I didn’t understand the man at all. He should have been hightailing it back to his own room.
“I won’t cut or hurt myself,” I said. “I promise.”
“I know you won’t, sweetheart. You’re too far gone for that, aren’t you?”
The endearment made my eyes burn. Lincoln had seen me cry before—something I’d never let anyone else see me do.
Ever.
But those tears had been related to my injury and the subsequent pain and humiliation. This… this was different.
“Lincoln, please,” I begged, but I didn’t even know what I was asking him for.
I had my eyes squeezed shut but I could hear the rustle of his clothes as he stood. I should have been relieved that in a few seconds I’d finally be alone.
But when the mattress dipped right next to my hip, that was all it took. The tears began silently running down my face. Gentle fingers closed around one bicep while a big hand splayed across my upper back and urged me forward. The second my cheek came into contact with his broad chest, I began to cry and couldn’t stop myself from grabbing a fistful of his shirt.
“Just let go, baby. I’ve got you,” I heard Lincoln whisper, and then his lips brushed over the back of my neck.
The dam broke at that point. The wall in my head that had taken me years and years to build and even longer to patch up by slicing my skin open time and time again came crashing down and every hurt, every cruel word, every shameful act, every lie came spilling out all at once. For the first time in my entire life, I let someone else take it all.
But I knew when the tears stopped, I’d have to rebuild that wall, and the only way I’d be able to do that was to leave behind the one man who’d managed to bring it down in the first place.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
LINCOLN
I was in a full-on panic the next morning when I woke up alone in Theo’s bed. Seeing his bag on the floor next to the bed where I’d shoved it so I could lay him down on the soft comforter was the only thing that kept me from tearing downstairs like a wild man to search for him.
The night before, I hadn’t been anywhere near prepared for Theo’s reaction when I’d wrapped my hand around his hard dick, especially since he’d been responding so passionately from the second I’d kissed him. He’d even called out my name in pleasure as I’d used my mouth to explore his upper body. At one point I’d felt his fingers twisting in my hair as I’d explored him.
When he’d shoved at me as he’d yelled the word “Don’t,” I’d immediately backed off. My first thought had been that I was going too fast, which I probably was since I hadn’t even intended to kiss him in the first place. But when he’d admitted that he’d been upset at the thought that I’d been with someone else, I’d lost every last bit of control I’d been hanging on to from the moment I’d entered his room.
After everything went to hell and Theo had drawn himself into the same self-preservation position on his bed, the headboard at his back, his knees protecting his front, I’d known that whatever was happening to him had nothing to do with me. I might have inadvertently triggered the event but his inability to hide within himself like he usually did had said more than words ever could have. Whatever thing lived inside him, that protected him from the brutalities he’d experienced in his past, hadn’t been strong enough to keep all that pain at bay. Even if I’d left the room as he’d asked, I’d known that no matter how many times he drew a razor blade over his skin or beat his fist against some part of body, it wouldn’t be enough.
I’d taken a huge risk by sitting down next to him on the bed and touching him, but thankfully my instincts had been right on track. When he’d wrapped his arms around me and buried his face against my chest as sobs tore viciously through his body, I’d been able to keep it together to give him what he’d needed, but inside I’d been dying. By the time he’d quieted and ultimately fallen asleep in my hold, I’d shed my own fair share of tears. I’d managed to position our bodies on the bed so we’d both be more comfortable. Theo hadn’t woken up, but he’d murmured words in his sleep throughout the night as I’d held him.