Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 99949 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99949 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
“I get it,” Lincoln said softly with a nod.
There was absolutely no condemnation in his voice. No judgment. It made it easier to continue.
“I’d thrown Ben’s card away the night I’d met him, but I remembered the name of the website. When I got the first of what would be many eviction notices to come, I looked up the website. I couldn’t even bear to look at any of the content. I just needed the phone number. I called him and told him my situation but that I had several hard limits. He never asked why I had them and I never offered to explain. It was a business arrangement and nothing more.”
I shook my head and shifted my eyes to the stream. “I threw up right after I agreed to meet him the next day at his studio. I’d told him no one could fuck me or touch my dick. I pretty much threw up so many roadblocks that I made it impossible for him to even do anything for me. It wasn’t like I could just sit there and watch other people getting it on,” I said with a harsh laugh.
“He was really nice about explaining that there were certain things his customers would want to see,” I continued softly. I could feel the tears threatening to fall. “Fuck, Lincoln, I just have to say this really fast, okay? I know it probably won’t make sense—”
“It doesn’t need to, sweetheart,” Lincoln offered. I was glad that he didn’t touch me because I knew that would make everything worse.
“He had this idea that we’d pretend to be real-life boyfriends who liked posting our sex videos online. The first video was really simple. He explained that he just wanted to make teaser videos to drive traffic to his website. They’d be a couple minutes and he didn’t need to fuck me. I wasn’t planning on doing more than one video because I was sure I’d be able to find a job. Anyway, the first video was mostly this role-playing stuff. I honestly don’t remember much of it or any of the other videos because he offered to give me some drugs that would relax me. I didn’t want to remember it,” I admitted.
“I found a few more jobs here and there but the more I had to interact with other people, the more anxious I’d get. I’d been cutting myself since they’d locked me in that closet in The Tower. I started doing it again after the first video. Then I was doing it every time I’d lose a job or start a new one. It eventually became a daily thing. Every time I got an eviction notice, I called Ben. He started giving me two different kinds of pills to get through each video. One to relax me so I wouldn’t really be aware of what was happening and then another one to get me hard. He told me what to say, how to move, what kind of sounds to make. But the more videos we made, the more popular they became, and the so-called fans wanted more and more. I agreed to perform oral sex on Ben, and I let him come on me wherever he wanted, but I swear to God, Lincoln, I never let him fuck me. He used toys but—”
That was all I got out before Lincoln suddenly pulled me against him and kissed me hard. He’d somehow managed to balance Chips in one hand even as he’d grabbed me because the puppy was still fast asleep. Nacho was on his feet and whining, though. Between his behavior and Lincoln’s kiss, I realized I’d been creeping toward a full-on panic attack without knowing it. I expected Lincoln to ask me not to tell him any more or to at least see some hint of disgust on his part, but his dark eyes held mine in the same way they always did when I needed his strength.
“I know I was your first, sweetheart, but it wouldn’t matter if I hadn’t been. For the record, you were my first too.”
I gasped at that. I’d just assumed he’d bottomed before. “Oh God, why didn’t you tell me that? Did I hurt you—”
Another hard kiss shut me up.
“Tell me the rest,” Lincoln ordered gently.
I found myself smiling in response. Something inside of me seemed to fall away. The knot that I’d been carrying around from the moment I’d dragged my battered body out of that athletic shed and walked my bike home only to find that my own personal hell hadn’t even begun yet seemed to unravel.
“No,” I said simply. I couldn’t seem to wipe the smile from my face. All the anxiety and fear I’d been holding on to from the moment I’d decided it was time to tell Lincoln my last secret seemed to shrivel up until there was nothing but ashes that blew away with the next light breeze that washed over us.