Total pages in book: 214
Estimated words: 199879 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 999(@200wpm)___ 800(@250wpm)___ 666(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 199879 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 999(@200wpm)___ 800(@250wpm)___ 666(@300wpm)
The sound of his bedroom door opening has me turning around, and my heart races at the sight of my brother. Four years doesn’t seem all that long ago but somehow seems like forever at the same time.
“Hey,” he speaks, entering the room and letting the door shut behind him.
I step off the balcony and into the room. “Hey,” I say softly.
Looking around the room, he runs his hand through his hair nervously. “Ashtyn, I’m sorry—”
“It’s fine.” I interrupt him. We all fucked up.
“No. it’s not.” He walks over to me, and I look up at him. “I was going to come back for you. Please believe me.”
I nod, biting my bottom lip.
“I…I was too late.” He looks over my head and sighs. “Then Haidyn—” He stops himself from finishing that sentence. “I found out you escaped here.” Reaching out, he takes my hands in his, and it feels off. We were never close, and I have a feeling that’s not going to change. This is a goodbye speech. That I’m sure of. “Just know, I’ve known where you’ve been. And I wish I could have changed the outcome.”
I pull my hands from him, stepping back, and he nods to himself, understanding that this is where I belong. I know that now. It took me four years of making stupid choices I won’t make again to realize that. The world is a crazy place and so is Carnage. But I’d rather be here with the Spade brothers than out in the world with strangers.
Silence falls over the room, and after a second, he turns and exits the bedroom, leaving the door open. I walk over to close it but pause as my eyes catch Haidyn’s. I go over to it and knock.
Seconds later, it opens, and he stands there. His blue eyes hard and sharp jaw clenched. He’s got his nose ring in and has his black leather riding jacket on but unzipped. “What do you want, Ash?” he asks, giving me his back and walking over to his bed.
I enter and walk over to his bed sitting on the side. “Going for a ride?”
“Something like that.” He zips up a backpack.
“Why did you have to pretend to die?” I ask.
“They wanted me dead, so I had to give them that,” he says simply. “The only way was to let them think they had the Spade brothers outnumbered. One down and two to go was pretty good odds for them.”
I nod in understanding. A silence lingers, and I feel the lump in my throat, my emotions still all over the place. That fear of losing him was terrifying. Then Saint hitting him so soon after his surgery. They’re fighting. But I know it’ll be temporary. They’re brothers, and that’s what brothers do. “Haidyn—”
“I don’t regret it,” he says, interrupting me, and I swallow nervously. Walking over to me, he cups my face in his warm hands. “I stand by what I said, Ash. You deserved better, and I’m sorry I couldn’t help you.”
“You did,” I whisper. He helped me more than he could ever know. Leaving Carnage was hard, but losing the baby was harder. I wanted a chance to be better than my mother, than my life. But it just wasn’t meant to be.
“Are you leaving?” I ask, my stinging eyes searching his. “Please, Haidyn…don’t.” My voice cracks, begging him to stay when he doesn’t answer.
He gives me a sad smile and leans down, his lips gently giving me a forehead kiss. Pulling back, he whispers. “Be good, baby girl.” With that, he grabs his backpack, throws it over his shoulder, and exits his room.
I sit on the edge of his bed, staring at the wall, my chest tight and heart heavy. How did everything fall apart so fast? Things had just started to feel normal, and now it’s all fucked again.
Getting up, I walk over to his balcony, opening the doors. I hear his bike before I see him ride out of the garage and out of the gates. The black crotch rocket stops, and his helmet moves, and I feel his eyes on mine. My hands curl around the railing as he revs his engine and takes off, disappearing into the night. And I hate that last time I was here, I was the one to leave and now he’s leaving me.
Why did it have to be like this? I love my husband, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about his brothers. That they don’t mean something to me too.
I blink the tears from my eyes and turn around to leave but come to a stop when I see Saint standing in Haidyn’s room. His eyes search mine, and I blink fresh tears that blur my vision. “He left,” I say, my throat tightening. “It’s my fault.”