Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 81867 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 409(@200wpm)___ 327(@250wpm)___ 273(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81867 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 409(@200wpm)___ 327(@250wpm)___ 273(@300wpm)
I wanted so many things and he knew I wanted them too. We talked about it incessantly, a merry-go-round of frustration where I would voice my need to be with him, and he would soothe my impatience with promises of the best life yet to come if he could just get established in a front office so he didn’t have to travel as much. Callum was driven and hyper-focused on his goals, and in his mind, there was only one true path for us to be together for the long haul.
Eventually, I got angry about it. In hindsight, part of that was Joshua whispering in my ear—as a friend—that I deserved better. It was Joshua who told me I needed to put my foot down and demand our relationship go to the next level.
And as much as I despise my husband and hate the pain he’s caused me over the years, he was not wrong about that.
Callum flew in late on a Friday night and I picked him up. He always got a hotel for us to stay in. His visits usually found us locked in that room all weekend, ravenously catching up on all the sex we both missed so much.
We were lying in bed, the morning sunlight streaming through the windows. We’d been up late kissing, touching, fucking, dozing and repeating the cycle, his words throughout always so reassuring.
I’ve missed you so much.
You’re the air I breathe, Juni.
I can’t ever get enough of you.
I love you so much.
I was heartened as I lay there, my head on his chest and his arm wrapped tight around my back. It was my opportunity to broach the subject again and I was ready to stand my ground with him.
Scooting off his chest, I tugged on his arm so he rolled to face me. Our heads on our pillows, arms curled under, he smiled at me. Reaching out with his free hand, he tucked a stray hair behind my ear.
“Want to do something today?” he asked.
“You mean leave this den of iniquity?” I replied, causing him to laugh. “I only have you until tomorrow afternoon. Let’s just stay here.”
“Sounds perfect to me.”
For a split second, I lost my confidence. Because we’d had this conversation on multiple occasions and I’d never made any headway in convincing him to let me move in with him, I was braced for rejection. I already knew the pain that would come with it because I’d experienced it before.
But Joshua had told me, “What do you have to lose, Juni? More importantly, look what you could gain.”
I could gain a new life with Callum.
“I want to talk to you,” I said, and because Callum loved me and could hear the angst in my voice, he took my hand in his and curled it into his chest.
“You can talk to me about anything.” His low rumble was reassuring and protective.
It bolstered me. “I want to come live with you. I want us to be together. I can’t stand this long-distance relationship anymore.”
Callum didn’t get mad. He never did. Instead, he did as he always did, his manner turning soft and empathetic. “Baby… I know how hard it is. It’s hard on me too. But it will be worse for you, being in Ontario all by yourself. You’ll hardly see me any more than you do now—”
“That’s not true,” I cut in, because I knew his schedule. I had calculated the time and we would get more days together. Not a lot, but more than what we had now, and I needed more. “I get it will still be hard, but it’s what I need.”
“You don’t think I need it too?” he questioned. Not the first time he’d thrown that at me, but for some reason, I doubted the answer.
An unease settled into my chest, almost suffocating me. In order to breathe, I needed resolution so I laid it out there.
“I’m not kidding about this, Callum. I can’t do this anymore. It’s not enough for me to have these stolen moments and a video relationship with you.”
Callum’s hand jerked because I’d never said those words to him.
I can’t do this anymore.
“What are you saying?” he asked, a hard lock to his jaw.
“I’m saying we make plans to be together… for me to move in with you… or we go our separate ways.”
Panic flared in his eyes, but then they went hard. “You’re giving me an ultimatum?”
I nodded, sick to my stomach. “I love you, Callum. But it’s now or never.”
Pain and anger swirled, mixing into a turbulent expression. But Callum—ever so self-assured and still driven toward his goals—leveled a look at me that gave his answer before the words came out. “Then I’m sorry, Juni. It’s never.”
I rub my breastbone. Even recalling his declaration that it was never—that we were over—sends the same pain lancing through me, even after all these years.