Total pages in book: 171
Estimated words: 167204 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 836(@200wpm)___ 669(@250wpm)___ 557(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 167204 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 836(@200wpm)___ 669(@250wpm)___ 557(@300wpm)
Memories flood me of that time, how betrayed I felt when she told us Geli’s dad was moving in.
I shake my head to clear it. “Anyway, my little sister—his daughter—Angelica was excited because she never really knew him so she didn’t know what it would actually be like having him around, she just liked the idea of ‘her dad’ coming home and us all being one big happy family. I was older then. I was twelve, Geli was ten. I’d been so little when the initial abuse happened, I only really remembered parts of it and had to rely on my mom to fill in the blanks, and since she was invested in moving him back in, she tried to diminish it as him ‘picking on me’ and just… trying to make it seem like I took it too personally, and it hadn’t been as bad as I remembered it. I was overreacting.”
Killian’s jaw locks, but this time, I know the anger isn’t pointed at me.
I swallow. “When he first moved in, he wasn’t so bad. He even made efforts to hang out with me alone. He said he knew he’d been kind of a jerk to me last time, but he wanted things to be good between us this time so he could stick around for Geli. He said he didn’t want us not getting along to be the reason he had to leave again.”
Unable to help himself, apparently, Killian interrupts, his voice tight with anger. “He was trying to pin the responsibility of keeping him around on you.”
“I know,” I say softly. “Well, I know that now. I didn’t back then. But it worked,” I say with a limp smile. “You know me, I feel bad when an animal doesn’t have a family, so imagine how I felt about my little sister who was all excited about her dad being back.”
Killian sighs knowingly. “Yeah. I can imagine.”
“Anyway, since it seemed like he was making an effort that time, I began to think maybe Mom was right. Maybe I had overreacted before. I was young, so maybe… maybe I remembered it wrong.”
“Let me guess. You didn’t.”
I shake my head. “He started ‘picking on me’ again, but it was a little different this time. He would make remarks about my body. He’d pinch me and touch me in ways you shouldn’t… pinch and touch your stepdaughter. And I began to dread his visits to my bedroom, because when it first started, we would just talk, and I liked that he would listen to me about things that bored my mom. But once he gained my trust… the pinching and ‘ribbing’ shifted. He would make remarks about my body and then challenge me to ‘show him’ to prove… whatever stupid thing he came up with. And I didn’t want to, so he made me feel stupid about that. Then the looking led to touching, and… I knew it felt bad, but I was afraid to… to say anything. Geli liked having him around, and Mom was happy. Only I was unhappy, so maybe I could cope. For them,” I say softly.
Probably realizing he shouldn’t be straddling me like this for the conversation this has turned into, Killian climbs off me. I try to ignore the whispers of the past as I quickly pull my underwear and shorts up, but I stay lying there, looking up at the ceiling.
“When I was fourteen, I finally told my mom I didn’t want him coming into my room at night anymore. I told her I was getting older, so it didn’t feel appropriate anymore, and she told me he was basically my dad, and she just… set me off. I was not a willful or disrespectful child by any means, but I screamed at her that he wasn’t my dad and never to call him that again. I stormed out of the house and went walking around the neighborhood, fuming and thinking about running away. But while it was a nice dream, I knew I wouldn’t get far with no money, no way to make money, no family to turn to. It was probably my out of character response that first alerted her that something was up because she told him to stay out of my bedroom going forward. He did. For a while. When I was sixteen, since he couldn’t go to my bedroom, he started finding excuses to keep me downstairs after my mom and Geli went to sleep. He’d say I hadn’t done my chores and make up chores no one had ever told me to do, or he’d ask for my help with something. And then, once whatever made up task was done, he’d be like, ‘come on, let’s catch up. We never hang out anymore.’” I sigh. “He did weird things. I don’t really want to… go into detail.”