Total pages in book: 114
Estimated words: 112736 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 451(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112736 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 451(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
“I don’t know, Coy,” I choke and swallow more tears back. I’m so sick of crying. “I don’t know why I’m scared, and because I don’t know why, I don’t know how to get over it.”
Coy nods his head slowly and a guilty look appears on his face. I don’t know what he has to feel guilty about as he squeezes me back into a tight hug.
I’m the one who should feel guilty for being pathetic and weak.
“Okay, Allie Cat. Okay,” he murmurs soothingly. “There’s no rush. Let’s wait a few minutes and see if you feel better.”
Not knowing what else to do, I nod my head and cling to him, trying to overcome this unexplainable terror building inside me.
I don’t know how much time passes as I struggle to overcome this final demon. Struggle and fail.
But eventually Grem wanders up to us and says, “Everything’s packed up and we’re ready to head out.”
“Alright,” Coy says, his arms still hugging me tight.
“Everything okay?” Grem asks and I can feel his eyes on me.
Coy answers him with one word, “Yup.” Not giving anything else away.
I relax against him, appreciating that he’s not telling Grem my business.
Grem sounds a little frustrated as he asks, “You need anything?”
No doubt he knows something’s up, but Coy isn’t spilling.
“Nope,” Coy tells him, his voice becoming firmer. “We’ll head out in a minute.”
Grem lets out a heavy sigh. “Alright, if you need anything…”
“Will do, brother,” Coy says dismissively.
I hear Grem muttering under his breath as he walks away.
Not much longer after Grem leaves, a couple of bikes start up followed by the minivan.
Still clinging to Coy, knowing the inevitable is coming, I listen to them pull out of the driveway and fade into the distance
Then it comes, the moment I’ve been dreading.
Coy’s arms begin to loosen around me. “You ready, Allie?”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I shake my head.
I’m not ready, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be.
“It’s the only way, baby. We need to get home to Levi,” he gently reminds me.
And I almost wish he would be the heavy-handed bastard I know he can be so I could fight this out of my system.
Grabbing me by the hand again, Coy begins to tug me back over to the bike. My body doesn’t want to move though, and he practically has to drag me up to it.
“We’re gonna do it just like last time. I’ll start the bike up and get her ready, then you’re going to get on. Got it?” he explains, his tone still gentle.
Frozen already, I neither nod nor shake my head.
“You got this, Allie,” he tells me, squeezing my shoulders as if he’s trying to squeeze his strength into me before he releases me.
I’ve never loved or hated him more as I listen to him mount his bike and start it up. The sound alone, so close…
Fuck.
“Come on, baby,” Coy says, and I still can’t fucking move because my body is convinced I’m going to fucking die if I get on the back of his bike.
When I don’t move, he decides to play dirty. “You can do it. Do it for Levi.”
Motherfucker.
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my son.
Knowing he’s waiting at home for us, I will my body to move. It’s slow going, the damn thing still fighting me every step of the way, but I eventually position myself near the foot peg.
When I start to step onto it though, the same icy, paralyzing terror I experienced last time wraps around my chest and squeezes.
“That’s it, you’re doin’ great,” Coy encourages me. “You’re one step closer to him. Keep movin’ and we can go home. You can do it, baby.”
Gritting my teeth, I fight through the paralysis. If I can drive over 900 miles on no sleep after getting the shit beat out of me, by god, I can do this.
It feels like it takes an eternity, but I finally manage to get up on the foot peg and swing my leg over the seat.
My ass drops down on its own and Coy practically cheers, “Fuck yeah, baby! I knew you could do it! Now hold on tight, I’m gonna go real slow, I promise.”
Ice water continues to flow through my veins and my entire body shakes and trembles as I wrap my arms around Coy and squeeze him in a death grip
Clenching my eyes shut, I press my face against his back, feeling the Royal Bastards patch beneath my cheek.
“Hear we go,” Coy says a little too cheerful for my tastes and the bike begins to roll forward.
I’m going to die. I’m going to fucking die, keeps repeating in my head over and over as we move.
True to his word, Coy takes it slow down the driveway then I feel us turning onto the street. He picks up a little speed once we straighten, and my heart, beating so fast now I’m afraid I’m going to puke, seems to pick up speed with him.