Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 104138 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 521(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 347(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104138 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 521(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 347(@300wpm)
“But lethargy. That’s easy to spot. I mean you’d notice if someone looked tired all the time.”
“Possibly. But if they don’t want you to know they might disguise it with excuses. Being busy, headaches, the flu. I think ultimately, if you know the person well and have experience with their illness, you’ll learn to recognise the signs.”
Therein lies the problem. I don’t have any experience. Do I know him well? Possibly. But what if I don’t? Would James lie to me? I know he said he has in the past, to his brother, to doctors…but that’s because he didn’t think they’d understand, that they’d judge him.
“Like I said, it can be a conniving illness, but it is an illness. Whoever it is you’re talking about isn’t doing it to hurt you.”
“W-what?” I stutter, straightening my back.
“You’re my brother, Theo. I know you. This isn’t research, this is your reality right now.”
“I…” My brain freezes.
“You don’t have to tell me who it is, just know that you can. You can trust me, T. Confidentiality is part of my job description.”
I’ve never thought of it that way. Tom has always been the older brother who used to get me in trouble by grassing me up to our mum. I guess I didn’t notice him becoming an adult, despite him being older than me. On reflection, that seems so stupid.
“I’ve been seeing someone,” I admit. “He’s only just told me about the bipolar. Some of the things he told me, the way his mind works, it frightens me a little.”
“I take it things are pretty serious between you?”
Sighing, I drop my head. “I love him, Tom.”
“Wow. When did my little bro grow up on me?”
“About twelve years before you did.”
Tom’s mouth turns up into a lopsided grin. “If he’s as serious about you as you are of him, he needs to include you. Inform you. Talk to you.”
“He’s trying. I think.”
“What about his family? Do they support him? This isn’t something you should take on by yourself.”
“I haven’t met them yet, but I think his brother is there for him. I just feel so…nervous. I don’t want to, but I do.”
“Just remember he’s not his illness. It’s a part of him, but he’s still the same guy you first met.”
I’m unable to prevent the small laugh that spills from my mouth. “The guy I first met was a dick, but even then I saw something more in him.”
“Hold onto that. The more. And you know if he’s being treated, which I assume he is, there’s no reason to spend your life worrying, waiting for him to slip, because it might not happen. You can’t live like that, either of you. People hear the words mental illness and immediately think crazy. But he’s not crazy, and there’s no reason you can’t have a happy and positive relationship like anyone else.”
“You think so?”
“I think it’s important to be aware, arm yourself with as many facts as possible, about not only bipolar in general, but his bipolar and how it affects him, but don’t let it become the biggest part of your relationship. Don’t let it overshadow the man you fell in love with.”
“Thanks, Tom. I wasn’t sure whether to talk to you about this or not, but I’m glad I did.”
“I’m glad, too. You’re my little brother. You’ve annoyed the crap out of me since the day you were born but I’m here for you. I’ve probably never said it, but I assumed you knew that.”
“I do. I wouldn’t be here otherwise. I guess I’m just not used to having a serious conversation with you.”
“Works both ways, right?”
My eyebrows pull together in confusion. “Um, course, yeah.”
Tom groans, wiping his forehead on the back of his hand. “Jennifer’s pregnant.”
“Holy shit…”
Flipping roles, I spend the next twenty minutes being Tom’s confidante. Unlike during his turn, however, I don’t have any advice to offer. All I can do is listen, so that’s what I do. By the time his pager sounds, ending our conversation, I realise he doesn’t need my advice anyway. Understandably, he’s nervous, but he and Jennifer seem to have things figured out. I’m going to be an uncle. Fucking hell. Even more bizarre, my brother is going to be a dad.
“A good friend of mine is in psychiatry,” Tom says, pausing by the door. “I’ll try and find out all I can for you.”
“Thanks. I’d appreciate that.”
“Gotta run, but call me anytime if you need anything. Got it?”
“Got it. Thanks.”
Tom leaves, holding the pager clipped to the waistband of his pants as he jogs down the corridor. Folding my jacket over my forearm, I feel better than when I arrived. Reassured. This is still so new to me, but Tom’s made me realise I’ve been seeing the future as a time spent waiting for the worst to happen, and it might not. I need to stop focusing on the bipolar, and start concentrating on James again.
*********
I plan to head home after leaving the hospital, but I’ve not even turned the key in the ignition when my phone vibrates in my pocket, alerting me to a text.
Tess: Any chance u can disappear 4 the night? X
Me: What do you mean?
Tess: Lucy’s here. I was hoping, coz ur the best friend in the whole world, that we could have the place to ourselves xxx
Is she seriously trying to kick me out of my own bloody flat?
Me: Who’s Lucy???
Tess: Someone important. Fill u in tomoz. Pretty plz??? Xxx
Huffing, I roll my eyes. I’m knackered, irritable, and I want to go to bed.
Tess: With a cherry on top? And sprinkles. And whipped cream. I’ll even throw in a flake??? X
Wow. This Lucy must be important. Tess never begs. I start to wonder why she hasn’t mentioned her before and, in turn, begin to feel a little offended. We tell each other everything, or so I thought.
Me: Fine. But you’re on washing up duty for a week.
Tess: T – I FLOVE YOU! X
Great. Guess I’m left with two options – James or my mum. I know which I’d prefer, so I bring up James’ number and hope he’s not busy as I hit call. If I have to stay at my mum’s it would mean getting up ridiculously early tomorrow morning to avoid the rush-hour traffic on the way back into Manchester.