Total pages in book: 60
Estimated words: 56606 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 283(@200wpm)___ 226(@250wpm)___ 189(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 56606 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 283(@200wpm)___ 226(@250wpm)___ 189(@300wpm)
Throughout the years, I have often wondered where she is, does she think of me? The older I get, though, the less I can allow myself to care. She is doing whatever it is she involved with, and I’ve had a good life without her.
Now I want to forge my own path in this world. I have signed the papers and leave in one week for basic training, also called boot camp. I am going to be one of the few, the brave. I am going to be a United States Marine.
The only thing left to take care of before I go is Anna.
My girlfriend for the last three years. We have had our ups and downs, misunderstandings and such, but she’s the one I want to spend this life with. Today I’m buying the ring, and I’ll propose before I leave. This will give her something to hold onto until I can hold her again.
TWENTY-THREE YEARS OLD
“Anna, I can’t fucking do this shit with you,” I yell into the phone. “I’m trying to get there. You gotta give me time, please. It isn’t you call, and I get off work like you think, damn.”
“What do you want from me!” She screams back. “You wanted to be married. You wanted me to follow you to this shit hole place. You wanted a baby. I gave you everything. When I need you, then you need to be here for me!”
I want to scream! This is the same argument she has every motherfucking day. When does it end? From the moment she got here, the house was too small, I didn’t make enough money, I was gone too much. The list of everything that pissed her off goes on and on. I didn’t put my toothbrush in the same hole in the stupid holder every night. I hang my towels wrong. It doesn’t matter how hard I try; I correct one thing and then poof she comes up with another problem.
“Life doesn’t work that way. And these decisions we made together. You were an active part in every single one. I asked you to come, you said yes. Stop acting like I drug you off kicking and screaming.”
When does this shit end? Fuck my life. Yes, she followed me here. But I gave up my career for her. When my re-enlistment came, I declined. Since we don’t have any savings, we are stuck here. I refuse to ask my family for money. My job options aren’t great. I was an infantry Marine. Who needs that in a civilian job? Sharp shooting is a skill, sure, but it’s not something to put on job applications or a resume. I didn’t go to college. I joined the service right after graduation.
I had a plan.
Maybe that was the problem. I committed to the plan and didn’t adapt and overcome as the circumstances changed. Not once did I stop to think things wouldn’t go according to my plan. I didn’t account for how the lifestyle would be for Anna or myself. It’s a contract, a commitment. Being active duty isn’t a regular job. I spent time away training; I couldn’t get out of it. Anna didn’t like the military wife life. It is hard on her to be alone. Some women are cut out for it, the flexibility and independence required. I saw guys in my unit who had thriving marriages with wives who handled their absences okay. I’m not saying it’s easy. Far from it, actually, from both sides. Two people in love don’t want to be apart. Which is why I also came across many already divorced. I can’t say it’s a woman problem as much as it’s a couple problem. Different couples, different situations.
I get it. For us, it is me. I’m the problem. I brought her here. I changed her whole world. When I decided to join, I didn’t think about all she would sacrifice to be with me. Somehow, I thought this would all go easily. We would build this life together and live in marital bliss.
The life of a service member isn’t easy, but honestly, it’s harder on their family. I signed the service contract. I agreed to go where the orders, the missions sent me. She is stuck being along for the ride regardless of her own desires. The day she said I do at that courthouse; she took on a different role than we both anticipated.
The mind of being young and in love clouds the reality of life as adults. Resentment is real and before long she was drowning in it. All of her dreams had been on hold for me.
Anna wanted us to have a baby, but not at the risk of me deploying or going away for even a weekend field training. It made sense what she needs from me. At least in the beginning, I understood how difficult this all is for her. As time passes, I don’t know.