Total pages in book: 118
Estimated words: 106646 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 533(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 355(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106646 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 533(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 355(@300wpm)
The thought fills me with a helpless sort of rage, and so I know Shail must be right.
I do not like discovering that I have been cruel. For so long, I have blamed B'shit for not knowing what she wants. In truth, I am just as much to blame as she is. I have been just as stubborn. I have been just as selfish. It is a strange thing to realize, and I take to the edge of the water, needing space away from the others. I work on nets while the weather is warm. It allows me to sit apart from the group and lets me focus my mind even as my hands weave and repair automatically. I work, the waves crashing against the nearby rocks, and I think about B'shit. I play our conversations through my mind, over and over again. How upset she gets when we argue in front of others. How she tightens up and refuses to speak, or to ask for help, when she is distressed.
I think about her softness, too. Her bright laughter when I say something funny, her smile and the way her eyes shine when she is excited. I think of her enthusiasm for her clay pots and the plans she has if she can just figure out a way to make them work. I think of last night in the cave, too, when she was soft and yielding, and then something flashed in her eyes and she pulled away from me.
She is confusing, my B'shit, but I have no doubt that I want her. I worry I have pushed her away with my games, and that is why her eyes are full of hurt when she looks at me.
"Hey there," calls a familiar voice. "What are you doing?"
I fight back a groan of dismay as D'see comes to the rocks and sits next to me. I cannot be cruel to her, though. D'see has been a friend, even if her plans are not good ones. I keep working on my nets, weaving and braiding, because nets are always in need. They break easily and the leather straps get bloated, so net-making is a constant task. Luckily it is one I enjoy, most times. "I am making a new net," I say, even though it is obvious. "And I am thinking."
"Ooooh, don't hurt yourself," D'see teases. She drops next to me on the rocks and watches me work. "The food contest is finished, by the way. We came in third. We're still in the running, at least. R'jaal and I'rec are out. They weren't too happy. I think I'rec is trying to convince Bek and Elly to trade with them, but Bek isn't interested. He wants a knife for Elly. That's sweet, isn't it?" She sighs. "He's the hunter but he wants a better knife for his woman, because he worries skinning is too hard on her wrists." And she sighs again.
I suspect she wishes for me to ask why she is sighing, but I say nothing. I just keep working on my nets. I want to think about B'shit some more, but it is difficult when D'see is distracting me.
"Do you think I'll resonate soon?" D'see finally asks. Her voice is sad. "I thought it'd happen right away when I got here, like it did for Mardok and Farli, but I don't seem to be having any luck."
"You act as if you do not care who you resonate to," I say. "Perhaps your khui is waiting for your heart to choose a mate before it decides to sing."
"That's just it," D'see says. "What's the point of falling in love if my khui is going to make the decision? I want it to choose so I can fall in love. I'm ready to be the light of someone's life. It sounds silly, I know, but after years of feeling like an afterthought…I just want something of my own." She curls up, staring out at the waves.
I grunt. Is that how B'shit feels, I wonder? Does she pull back from me because she is waiting to resonate? Is she afraid of losing her heart to me? The thought makes me warm. Does she want to be with me in the furs but she is afraid of losing me? It is hard to know with B'shit. Just when I think she will confess her feelings to me, she closes down. I wonder—
D'see nudges me. "You're not very talkative."
I grunt again.
"Is all not well with Bridget? Should I go plant the seeds of jealousy?" D'see teases. "I can go complain that you kissed me so hard that it made me dizzy—"
"No," I bark out, and she jerks back in surprise at the ferocity of my words. "Do not pretend we are kissing. Or sharing furs. I do not want B'shit to think that. It does not make her run into my arms. It only hurts her."