Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 91840 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 459(@200wpm)___ 367(@250wpm)___ 306(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91840 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 459(@200wpm)___ 367(@250wpm)___ 306(@300wpm)
“Or did you just come to look at the freak?”
“Gabe…” Tate’s voice is a warning.
I spot a quart of vodka left in the bottle I started on last night. I reach down and grab it from the floor. The cap’s already off, so I take a good drink.
When I’m finished, three sets of eyes are watching me.
“What?” I put my cigarette in my mouth.
“Should you be drinking right now?” Vaughn says.
“I think drinking is exactly what I should be doing right now.”
“Gabe, speaking from experience, drinking yourself into a coma isn’t going to help anything,” Julian says.
“Advice from the ex-junkie. Just what I need.” I roll my eyes and then drain the vodka before tossing the bottle to the floor.
Julian doesn’t react. But, still, I feel like a jackass. But I’m too far gone in my own pain to feel anything of real substance right now, so the emotion is gone before it can turn into guilt.
Julian takes a drag of his smoke and flicks the ash into the ashtray. “I’m gonna pretend like you didn’t just say that because I know what it’s like to be in pain and want to dull it with the nearest substance. And you were the only one who was there for me when I needed help. So, you get a free pass, Gabe. You get as many free passes as you need.”
“I don’t need free passes. What I need is to be left the fuck alone.”
“Yeah, not happening,” Tate says, settling back onto the sofa.
“Fine. Then, I’ll fucking go out.” I stub my smoke out and get to my feet.
“Yeah, you’re not gonna want to go out there.” Vaughn thumbs over his shoulder. “The paps are out in full force up front. We had to sneak in through the parking garage. And, from the looks of you, you’re not in any fit state to drive.” He gestures to the empty liquor bottles littering the coffee table.
I drive my fingers into my hair, feeling frustrated and trapped. “For fuck’s sake!” I yell. Then, I pick up one of the empty bottles and throw it against the wall. It shatters, shards of glass scattering everywhere.
The silence around me is deafening.
“You feel better?” Julian’s voice is low behind me.
“No, I don’t fucking feel better!” I whirl on him.
And then all I can see are their faces staring at me. Judging me. As if they know what it’s like to be me.
They don’t know jack shit about my life!
My head starts to pound like a drum. My blood is hot with anger.
“How the fuck am I supposed to feel right now?” I yell. “Everyone fucking knows! And then you three are here, fucking judging me! And I don’t need it! None of you knows how hard it was for me back then! I did what I had to do! And it was my business!” I pound my fist against my chest. “My private fucking business. And I trusted her, and now, everyone knows! She sold me out! She fucking…sold me out.” My voice drops to a whisper. My legs give out on me. I sink to the floor. I put my head in my hands and squeeze my eyes shut. “I fucking loved her, and she sold me out.”
“Jesus, Gabe.” Tate is at my side, his arm around me. “I’m so sorry.”
I lift my head from my hands and stare at him. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who’s sorry. I know this is going to come back on you, embarrass you.”
“You think I give a flying fuck about what people think?”
“I think you’re a kids’ doctor who comes from a pair of murdering drug dealers, and your brother used to let women fuck him for money.”
“Stop thinking about how this affects me, Gabe. You don’t need to worry about me. This is about you. You’re what matters right now. I want to help you. Let me help.”
“I don’t need help. I’ll be fine.” I get to my feet, leaving him sitting there.
“You need to stop this.” Tate gets to his feet.
“Stop what?”
“Acting like I’m still fucking twelve years old. I’m a grown man, and I don’t need you shielding me from shit, Gabe. You should have told me the truth.”
I laugh without humor. “What was I supposed to say? Hey, Tate, remember when Mom and Dad were arrested, and we were on our own, so we moved out here, but I was struggling to make ends meet? Well, I started screwing women for money, so I could pay the rent.”
He shakes his head. “I could’ve helped.”
“You were a fucking kid, who just had his whole world turned upside down.”
“So were you!” he yells, frustrated.
“I’m your older brother.” I slam my hand against my chest. “It was my responsibility to take care of you. I did what I had to do. And I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”