Total pages in book: 132
Estimated words: 124923 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 625(@200wpm)___ 500(@250wpm)___ 416(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 124923 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 625(@200wpm)___ 500(@250wpm)___ 416(@300wpm)
“Anything. Have you given any thought about declaring a major? The clock is ticking,” she sing-songs.
“I have plenty of time,” I remind her.
“A semester has already passed. Don’t take too much longer.”
“I know.” I pick up my fork and push the food around on my plate, mostly so I don’t have to look at her. I don’t consider telling her that I’m leaning toward a journalism major. The less information she has, the less ammunition she has to use against me and talk me out of it.
“Something wrong with your food?” she asks, pointing a fork toward my untouched plate. “I ordered from Gordon’s specifically for you. You used to love going with me when you were little.”
“Actually, you used to love it. I always asked for pizza.”
It’s her turn to drop her fork. It clangs loudly against her plate. “Could you grab my phone from my purse, sweetheart?” she says to Lawrence who doesn’t move to follow her orders. His eyes flash to me before cutting back to my mom. “Valentina wants pizza, and God forbid, she doesn’t get what she wants.”
At that, I can’t help but laugh, and for some inexplicable reason, it’s what finally makes me snap. “That’s a joke, right? When have you ever cared about what I wanted?”
“Since always.” She has the nerve to look offended.
“Settle down, Claudia,” Lawrence says.
“Like that time you signed me up for pageants when I was seven even though I begged you not to, then made me continue even after I puked on the stage from being so anxious? Or when you did the same thing with cheer, gymnastics, piano lessons…” I list off.
“You love cheer. You should be thankful I pushed you so hard. You have no idea what it took to support your lifestyle.”
“My lifestyle?” My laugh is an incredulous one. “I didn’t care about any of that. You were the one concerned with keeping up with appearances. All I wanted—all I ever wanted—was for my parents to give a shit about me.”
“Well, your father didn’t want us, Valentina,” she says, still sounding bored. Apathetic. Like I’m some silly girl throwing a tantrum at the dinner table. “There’s nothing I could do about that.”
“No,” I say through clenched teeth. “He never wanted you, and you only wanted me because you wanted control. And I’m sure the monthly check was a nice perk.”
She stands from the table, her cool and collected mask starting to crack. “I was there. Not him. I gave up everything for you.” Her words are said through gritted teeth and full of disdain. “Why do you hate me? Why are you so angry with me all the time? Tell me what I ever did that was so terrible?”
This is it. I feel the words clawing their way up my throat, and I can’t stuff them back down now if I tried. “Well, I have so many things to choose from, but I’d say letting your boyfriend get away with crawling into my bed tops the list.”
I look over to Lawrence who looks like he might become physically ill. “She didn’t mention that? I’m not surprised.” I look back at my mom who’s visibly seething now. The sad part is, she’s probably more upset about Lawrence thinking she’s a bad mother than actually being a bad mother.
“What on earth are you talking about?”
“I was fourteen, Mom. I was so scared to tell you, and when I finally worked up the courage, you believed him. Over your own daughter. You kept dating him for months after that.” I don’t realize I’m crying until I taste my salty tears on my lips. “You made me apologize!”
“Here we go again with the theatrics,” she says, throwing her napkin down before standing. “You have no idea what I protected you from. If that’s the worst thing you’ve been through, I think I’ve done a pretty good job. Did you know he offered me money to let him have you? A lot of money in a time where we really could have used it.”
The admission cuts through me like a knife to my stomach, and by the look on her face, she doesn’t realize the implications of what she just said. My eyes dart back over to Lawrence. Why, I’m not sure. Maybe to gauge his reaction, to see if I heard her correctly. I try to keep my face expressionless, but fat, hot tears roll down my cheeks. All this time, I let myself think she didn’t believe me. I held on to it like a lifeline, the last thing keeping me tethered to her, and with a single sentence, I feel that tether snap.
“He was willing to pay for access to your daughter, and you still didn’t believe me?” Her eyes widen as her mouth snaps shut as it finally clicks for her that she just told on herself. “Or you knew, and you didn’t care. Which one is it?” She treated me like the competition. Like some slutty little seductress who tried to tempt her boyfriend. “Am I supposed to thank you?” I give an incredulous laugh, batting my tears away. “Wow, you’re right, Mom. Thank you so much for your sacrifice. I know that must’ve been a hard decision to make.”