Total pages in book: 132
Estimated words: 124923 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 625(@200wpm)___ 500(@250wpm)___ 416(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 124923 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 625(@200wpm)___ 500(@250wpm)___ 416(@300wpm)
I nod. “I should be back by then.”
“Thank God. Between you and me, Lilah can’t tumble for shit, and Jada’s making everyone want to quit.”
She leaves me with that bit of information, then turns around to hug Holden before she walks off with a wave. Shayne asks Holden something about their visit to their dad last night, but I don’t catch it, too busy trying to make sense of the inexplicable hurt I’m feeling. I’ve been cheated on. Publicly. By my actual boyfriend of a year. I’ve watched my dad abandon me for a new family. I’ve had my mom choose men over me, time and time again. Why do I give a shit that Holden did exactly what Holden does? Why is this what finally penetrates my numb exterior?
After a minute or two, they finish their conversation, and we walk out to my car. I can feel Holden’s eyes on my back the whole way, but I don’t turn around.
“Are you okay?” Shayne asks once we’re outside. “What was that about?”
“My stomach is still messed up,” I say, telling a half-truth. “I thought I might throw up.”
“Do you want to go lie down? If you give me your keys, I can go grab our food and coffee.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s fine. I think the fresh air will help.”
After we got back, we spent the rest of the day ordering groceries for the week, comparing classes so we could plan our study schedule together, then we lay around on the couch, alternating between taking cat naps and scrolling on our phones while movies played in the background that neither one of us really paid attention to. Sometimes you just need a day to do nothing but rot on the couch with your best friend.
Thayer came back after being gone for most of the day and caught us up on the conversation they had with their dad and assured us that we wouldn’t have to worry about Samuel. It might’ve been more of a relief if he seemed like he actually believed that, but I’m not too worried about it.
Now that I’m in bed, I open my texts, allowing myself to read the string of messages Holden sent earlier.
Holden: I realize what that looked like, but I didn’t fuck her.
Holden: Answer me so I know that you don’t think I hooked up with someone else.
Holden: Nothing happened.
Holden: Don’t make me come over there.
After rational thought kicked in earlier, I realized pretty quickly that it was entirely likely that Quinn could’ve been there for Ryan. The problem is the way I felt when I thought Holden slept with her. I’m not supposed to like him. I’ve never truly liked anyone. I’ve spent so many years trying to conjure up feelings for boys who wanted me, and when that didn’t work, I pretended. For a long time, I assumed everyone else was a pretender, too.
Now, the only thing I’m pretending is that I don’t have feelings for him. As I drift to sleep, I do so wondering if Holden might make good on his threat of coming over and sneaking into my bed later.
He never comes.
Walking into the bustling student union a few days later, I head for a small booth right next to the big glass window where the sun beats down after the first day of spring semester. The place is packed, and I can’t help but miss how quiet campus was when everyone was gone over break. On the flip side, I’m glad the dining halls are open again.
I toss my backpack into one of the few empty booths in the corner and open my laptop to read an article on the impact of social media on journalism for my introduction to journalism course. I read it three times, but I don’t retain any of it, barely able to focus on the words on the screen. I haven’t been here for more than ten minutes before I’m interrupted.
“You’re avoiding me,” Holden says in way of a greeting. He’s wearing that stupid backward hat again and a stupid plain white t-shirt that showcases his stupid biceps even though it’s twenty-five degrees outside.
“When am I not avoiding you?” I tease, trying to keep things light. He slides into the booth across from me because it would be very un-Holden like to wait for an invitation. “Help yourself,” I say sarcastically.
“I swear I didn’t fuck her,” he starts without preamble.
I blink at him before taking stock of our surroundings. He wants to do this here? In front of the whole damn campus? “You don’t owe me an explanation.”
“After I put you to bed, I went back to my room. Twenty minutes later, Ryan showed up with Quinn. I walked her out in the morning because I don’t fucking sleep on a normal night—but throw in all the moaning and skin slapping going on—”