Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 85167 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85167 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Unable to resist any longer, he grabbed Tam’s ass and lifted. Tam’s slender legs wrapped around his waist dutifully and their crotches came into perfect contact. Heady was too weak a word. That first grind was hard and intense and everything Driver needed in that moment. He held on tight, massaging Tam’s thick buttocks.
Driver was drowning in sensation.
“Goddamn, baby,” he growled as he lowered Tam to the felt. A second later they were kissing again.
This time Tam grabbed a fistful of Driver’s hair and pulled until their mouths crashed together. Their teeth clanked but Tam didn’t stop, he bit Driver’s bottom lip. A flood of pleasure swept through Driver making his eyes roll back.
Fuck, but Tam was powerful. His need was impossible to deny.
Tam was anchored under him, snug and unmovable, locked in place by Driver’s pure force of will. And it was so fucking perfect, Driver’s blood heated.
Tam. Tam. It was all he could see. All he could hear. All he could think.
Driver growled. He fucking growled like a damn animal. He’d never made a noise so full of frustration and need before. He kissed Tam with just as much severity, even pinned Tam’s jaw in place to deepen the kiss. He let all of his brutality out to meet Tam’s. And it was glorious for one beat of his heart.
Until the sound of Tam’s stifled sob tore through his consciousness like a goddamn bomb.
* * *
A trickle of Tam’s old fears tinged the moment, and no matter how hard he tried to push them away those insidious doubts clawed deeper. They wove themselves into every nibble, every squeeze, every thrust. Tam tried so hard to ignore it. But when Driver’s big hands cupped his face, memories rose up to choke him.
That grip. It was the same. Phantom bruises ached under Driver’s fingertips.
Behind Tam’s closed eyes flashed faces of all the assholes who’d held him down, who’d hurt him, who’d strangled him, but one in particular lingered. Mister.
Like scenes in a horror movie, they flickered past until Tam could no longer separate the past from the present. His lungs burned from lack of oxygen even though he knew he could breathe. No one was cutting off his air supply right then. It was just residual fear.
His panic rose and he clutched at Driver. Even as tears of frustration filled his eyes, he wouldn’t let them win.
He was so close to feeling normal.
Just once.
God, please, just once.
Tam squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the nightmares, but that didn’t make the terrible memories go away. Guilt and shame and utter self-disgust twisted in his stomach until he felt like he might retch. It was a vicious circle of pain and lust and self-recriminations.
As awful as it all was, the fact that Driver was witnessing his meltdown made it ten times worse. A giant spotlight had been focused on his horrible life like it was one of the Broadway shows advertised on the walls downstairs. The tragedies, though, because there’d be no fairy godmother coming to Tam’s rescue.
Dirty little whores didn’t get fairy godmothers.
This was exactly why he’d been celibate for years.
Well, that and the fact that since his last arrest he hadn’t felt a prickle of desire. None. It was like as soon as the judge had sentenced him, he’d been freed from the constant struggle. The daily fight for warmth and scraps of food that had made sex his only option for survival was replaced with iron bars and he’d lost all sexual urges.
Not that he’d had many to begin with but that was a whole different matter.
He’d been so relieved.
No more fearing every mortifying erection. No more wanting to die just because he woke up covered in spunk. No more hearing his stepfather’s voice in his head whenever he got hard while being fucked by a trick.
As if summoned, that sinister voice came to him now.
“Why you coming if you don’t like it? You’re a dirty fuck-boy, that’s why. You like it. Now wipe yourself off and blow your fucking nose. Your next trick is waiting and he shouldn’t have to see your tear-stained cheeks.” Tam would never forget that rasp, the way his hot breath scalded like a brand whenever he spoke, or the painful grip on his shoulders. Always the shoulders because they were harder to bruise and he wanted Tam to look pure no matter how far from innocent he truly was.
The memories brought him out of his head enough that he realized Driver hadn’t moved in a long while. The stillness sucked him in like a black hole. He wanted to bury himself in six feet of concrete but there was nowhere to hide from the shame burning his cheeks.
There was no point. Tam was stuck in the loop. His body shook. His stomach ached. His head pounded. And all he could think was God, make it fucking stop. He didn’t want to feel this way anymore.