Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 82579 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 413(@200wpm)___ 330(@250wpm)___ 275(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82579 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 413(@200wpm)___ 330(@250wpm)___ 275(@300wpm)
“There’d be a lesson. Sometimes it was simple. All Step had to do was buy a watch from this dealer and flip it for a small profit to another dealer. But while Step was going through whatever test Dad had cooked up, I’d be sitting back home on a chair with a knife pressed against my skin. Because that was Step’s motivation. In order to save his little brother, he needed to be perfect. He needed to be everything our father wanted him to be.
“And sometimes he was. I meant it when I said Step was always talented. But he was just a kid, and sometimes he fucked up. When that happened, he wasn’t punished. Instead, Dad would draw that knife down my spine and leave an ugly new scar, and it would be Step’s job to clean me up again. Sometimes, he had to stitch me, and that was a sort of lesson too. I became a punishment for my older brother. My suffering was his suffering, and if he wanted to avoid it, he had to be perfect.
“You’d think Step would’ve started to resent me, but that’s not the kind of guy he was. Step understood it was never my fault. He internalized everything, took it all inside of him, and he strove to make sure my father never made me suffer. Eventually, we grew up, and the lessons changed, and Dad decided that I was better off as a training partner instead of a punishment, and the cutting and the torture stopped. But he taught me something too back then. Something I’ll never forget.”
I stare down at my hands. The stunned and horrified look on Carmie’s face worms its way into my guts. This is why I don’t talk about it. But she needs to know. Eventually, she’d notice the scars hidden underneath all the tattoos, and she’ll start asking questions I won’t know how to answer otherwise.
I look back up at her. Tears gather in her eyes. One rolls down her cheek. I don’t wipe it away. I don’t feel like I have the right.
“I learned that life is pain and people are liabilities, just like I was nothing but a burden on my older brother.”
“Lev,” she says, her voice choked with emotions. “God, no wonder you hate your father so much.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore. It all happened a long time ago. But if you want to know why I hate him and why I think he deserves to suffer before I kill him, this is why. Because to him, I was nothing more than a cutting board.”
I push myself to my feet and scoop up my mask. I can’t stand the way she’s looking at me right now. There’s pity in her eyes. I don’t even blame her for feeling that way—I pity my old self too. I was pathetic and useless back then.
But I’m not that little kid anymore.
“Come on,” I say, taking my position on the piste. “I’m not finished with you yet.”
She wipes her face and gets to her feet. “We don’t have to. I mean, if you want to talk—”
“I told you because you’ll need to know eventually, but it doesn’t change anything.”
She takes a deep breath and puts on her mask. She takes up her weapon and hesitates before stepping across from me.
“We don’t have to. Maybe we should just—”
“Fight me, little fencer. Don’t make me come over there and force you.”
A slight smile on her face. “You’d like that.”
“You would too.”
She comes at me then, and she lets me score a couple of touches.
I tell her to quit going easy, and she kicks my ass after that.
Chapter 30
Carmie
“Ihave rules,” I say as I dump my suitcase on the bed.
He scowls at the mess. “You’re not really in a position to make demands.”
“Actually, you’re the one that wants this, not me.” I start gathering my stuff. “I’ll just head back to my room then.”
“Stop.” His jaw ticks with frustration.
“Are you ready to listen?” I try not to smirk in his face. I very much like having power over him, even though it’s clearly pissing him off.
“Just tell me.”
“If you snore, I’m out of here. If you fail to put the seat down, you get one reminder, and then I’m out of here. If you complain about my piles—”
“Piles?” His eyebrows raise.
“My piles.” He’ll understand what that means soon enough. My organizational skills are somewhat lacking. Things tend to gather in neat little mounds. Usually on the floor. “I’m already regretting this.”
He comes over to me. I try to dodge away, but he catches my wrist and pulls me into him. “I don’t care. Make demands. All I want is my pregnant wife sleeping in my bed where I can make sure she’s all right.”
I shiver at his touch. We’re both still sweaty from training in the basement. I’ve been giving him some pointers, and he’s actually picking it up pretty fast.