Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 57064 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 285(@200wpm)___ 228(@250wpm)___ 190(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 57064 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 285(@200wpm)___ 228(@250wpm)___ 190(@300wpm)
“Hughes,” I start, “We’re inside the club. You don’t need to check every room every single time.” Robert Hughes is a nice enough man, but I’m exhausted and everything about this is . . . it’s too much. There isn’t a chance in hell that anyone inside these walls is a threat.
“Madam Lynn,” he says, not agreeing or disagreeing with me. At least he used my preferred name for the club. It’s maddening, and pretty much the only response he makes. I’ve known him for years. He was hired by Joshua, so I know he’s a well-trained professional.
But I despise this Secret Service treatment. It’s not what the club needs. If word got out to members that there was something to be concerned about . . . it could cause irreparable damage.
I informed the staff that I was sick yesterday, but with security in and out . . . I don’t think they bought it.
Nervousness pricks its way through me. Perhaps this was a mistake.
“Thank you,” I reply with a sigh, proceeding on. I know I’m angry, but it’s a displaced anger. I’m not mad at security, certainly not Hughes. He’s been accommodating, all things considered. I’m not mad at Joshua or Holden or any of my staff.
I’m mad at Gabriel. Hurt more than angry. I fell in love with him, head over heels like the naïve woman I used to be. And the entire time, he was keeping a secret from me. How could he have been genuine with me if he wasn’t even being honest?
Perhaps I’m hardened and skeptical. Perhaps the pain from the last time lingers more than I realized. I’m not sure. . . . but right now, I need a little space. Maybe more than just a little.
Work is just that. But time passes slowly, and I can’t focus on anything. Emails pour in from employees, and members as well, asking if I’m alright.
Fuck.
I haven’t felt this helpless since . . . The realization threatens to bring up emotions and memories I’d rather not deal with. With a deep breath in and a slow breath out, I do everything I can to simply keep myself steady.
My phone pings with a message. It’s from Gabriel. I love you.
Scrolling back, the last few days he’s messaged every few hours to tell me just that.
We’re safe.
Everything’s going to be alright.
And I love you.
I message back, reluctantly because I’m still angry, but I can’t not respond to him.
I love you too.
I start with a cup of tea that I spend far too long stirring before checking the inventory numbers.
Although I find myself staring at the screen, unable to focus and think straight. Every few minutes, I realize I’m still on page one, and I’ve been thinking of something else. Of the moments that used to haunt me and moments I thought I’d long forgotten.
A knock at my door saves me from myself, and I shake off the tension in my hands, setting my tea aside. “Come in.”
“Madam Lynn,” Holden greets me, coming in and closing the door behind him. “How are you?”
“Missing a lot of mental balance, but I’m surviving,” I reply honestly. Picking up my tea again, I take a sip.
Before he can get a word in, I set the tea cup down with a clink and ask him directly, “So, is everyone talking behind my back?”
“You’re the Madam,” Holden points out. “Last week, you were on cloud nine. You’d walk down the hallway, and the carpets wouldn’t even have marks from your heels in them. The past few days, though, you look like you’ve got weights strapped to your ankles and invisible thousand-pound weights on your shoulders. Now, I know some of it . . . but the others don’t. They’re worried about you, that’s all.”
“They’re not supposed to be worried about the boss,” I murmur at the realization that I’m failing them. I shouldn’t have come back. Gabriel was right. I’m far too bitter to admit it to him, though.
“You’re the boss, yes. But you’re also the head of whatever you want to call this secret little conclave, like the head of a family. And when Mom’s troubled, all us kids worry about her.”
“So I’m Mom now?” I crack a smile for the first time in days, a bit of warmth flowing through me.
“I mean, you know.” He gestures, seemingly embarrassed for a moment, and I let out a short huff of a laugh. “So, talk to me. It’ll help, I promise.”
I lean back, wondering if he’s right. I’ve done the same thing with so many of the young subs here at Club X, and sometimes, just saying things helps. I couldn’t possibly tell him everything. But the pain I feel, knowing Gabriel kept a secret from me the very moment he came back . . . I just wish I could stop it. I know it’s tied to the past. I don’t know how to just be right now. It feels as if I’m spiraling all over again.