Total pages in book: 362
Estimated words: 347293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1736(@200wpm)___ 1389(@250wpm)___ 1158(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 347293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1736(@200wpm)___ 1389(@250wpm)___ 1158(@300wpm)
“What?”
She was quiet for several moments. “I just know that your time in Dalos couldn’t have been easy.”
Feeling my chest tighten, I focused on the mess of clothing as I breathed in. I really didn’t see the clothes, though. I saw jeweled, gold-plated chests. Pressing my lips together, I ignored the sting of my fangs scraping the inside of my lips. Hold.
“I know,” she repeated.
Gods, she did. Unfortunately, she had ended up as one of Kolis’s favorites. I knew now, without a doubt, that her suspicion that it had been because of her hair color was correct. Breathe out.
“And I just wanted to say that I don’t need to know what may have occurred to know that I’m so sorry for whatever you experienced.”
“Thank you.” Breathe in. My fingers dug into the arm of the couch as I made myself meet her gaze. Hold. “With some help, I was able to convince Kolis that I was Sotoria. Because of that, I…I got lucky.”
“Lucky?” she repeated. “Compared to who?”
My ribs felt like they were too small. “To all those not sitting here who are free of Kolis.”
Aios’s mouth opened and then closed. “Very true.” Her fingers continued dancing over the chain. “But I know the whole time I was held and made to listen to him, he only ever spoke about her.”
Her.
Sotoria.
Fucking obsessive creep.
My breathing exercises belly-flopped out the window.
“So, I also know that my luck traveled further.”
Kolis had never touched any of his past favorites. That wasn’t the case for me. My chest shrank until it felt as small as a thimble.
Aios fixed another pained smile on her face. “I just wanted to let you know that if you ever need to talk, I’m here. Okay?”
“Okay,” I said, knowing my smile was as wrong as hers. “I appreciate that. I do. But what happened when I was there? It was nothing.”
Aios was speaking. Her lips were moving, but all I heard was “it was nothing” echoing over and over. But it was in Veses’ voice. The Primal bitch of Rites and Prosperity had said the same thing in response to what Kolis had done to her. And as much as I hated her for what she’d done to Ash, it hadn’t been nothing. What had been done to me wasn’t—
Panic blossomed, and while it didn’t stir the embers, it did loosen my tongue. “When you were held?” I cut Aios off. “Were there chests in the cage he kept you in?”
Aios went quiet.
I turned my head toward her, knowing her silence was my answer. “I saw what was in them. I know what he had his favorites do with them. So, I don’t think your luck could’ve traveled much further than mine.”
Aios blanched, sucking in a sharp breath.
Guilt seized me immediately. “I shouldn’t have brought that up. I’m—”
“Don’t apologize,” she interrupted, eather pulsing brightly in her eyes.
“But I think I need to.”
“No, you do not.” She leaned in until our faces were inches apart. “I get it, Sera. More than anyone here. Maybe more than even Nyktos. I get it. The anger. The fear. The fucking awkwardness,” she said. At any other time, I would’ve giggled at hearing her curse, but not now. Never now. “The helplessness and the godsdamn choking shame. I know how all that feels. How all those feelings become something worse than any act committed against you.” Streaks of eather darted across her irises. “Because that anger, the fear and awkwardness, the helplessness and shame, they get into you. Into your very marrow. And it’s hard to claw them back out.”
I choked then, dying a hundred times without my heart ever stopping.
“You will say and do anything to avoid feeling or thinking about it, but eventually, you have to.” Aios straightened, her features stark. “Because no matter what, Sera, it wasn’t nothing.”
CHAPTER NINE
The late-morning sun warmed my face as I stood at the balcony railing. I was never much of a fan of the sun, preferring cloudy, overcast days. It probably had a lot to do with the unbearable heat that plagued Lasania. But now, I wanted to soak it up until I disappeared into its warmth.
I was so unbearably cold inside.
Aios had left only minutes ago, but her voice was in my head as my hands curled tightly around the railing.
It wasn’t nothing.
She had meant well, but she was wrong. What I’d experienced in Dalos was nothing like what those who had come before me had to deal with. I hadn’t been forced to use the toys I’d found in that chest. I hadn’t been tossed aside and given to gods who behaved like a pack of rabid dogs. I was lucky.
But why didn’t it feel that way?
Chest shrinking, I felt the wind pick up, tossing long curls across my face. I needed to get myself under control before Ash returned because I was sure I was hurling emotions in every direction.