Total pages in book: 362
Estimated words: 347293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1736(@200wpm)___ 1389(@250wpm)___ 1158(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 347293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1736(@200wpm)___ 1389(@250wpm)___ 1158(@300wpm)
Acid gathered in the back of my throat. My gaze flickered to the portraits hung along the back wall, and I saw Ash in my mind’s eye. He held a tiny, fragile life, cradled in his arms and against his chest.
Oh, gods.
My heart turned to mush at the same moment my stomach felt like it had dropped to the floor. Fear and even a bit of awe mingled with the weight of the reality.
“Thank you for confirming this and for reminding me I have options,” I said. “But I can’t make that choice without talking to Nyktos. I’ve…I’ve lied and hidden enough from him. I can’t do that with this.”
She held my stare and nodded. “Whatever path you choose, I will stand by your side. You are not alone in this, Sera. Just remember that.”
Breathe in.
I sat on the edge of the underground pool, my feet in the warm water. I’d tucked the skirt of my gown under my knees, but the edges were still damp. My hands were clasped loosely in my lap as I watched the mills churn, keeping the water from going stagnant. My mother would be proud. I was the picture of serenity.
Hold.
I had to be, lest I wanted Ash to feel exactly how freaked out I was.
Or even possibly bring the entire palace down on my head, which would be bad. Really bad since the other Primals were still here.
Breathe out.
I had no idea how long I’d been down here. I’d need to make an appearance soon, but I wasn’t sure how I could when there was a really good chance I would blurt out the news in front of the gods only knew who. It wasn’t that I was hiding from Ash.
Okay, I kind of was.
I knew I needed to tell him that I…was pregnant. My stomach dipped and twisted, my gaze dropping to the churning, midnight-hued water. It was so clear it looked black due to the shadowstone floors. Just like my lake.
Breathe in.
This wasn’t something I could keep from him or even wanted to. I needed to talk to him about this. I needed to know what he thought. How he would react.
But I also needed time to grasp the fact that I was…pregnant.
With two babes.
“Fuck,” I whispered, then held my breath for a count of five.
What was I going to do? I barely knew how to take care of myself. How was I supposed to parent two children? Two newborns when I could barely handle Jadis when she was throwing a temper tantrum?
Granted, she could spit fire, and the babes wouldn’t be able to do that, but I knew they could spew all manner of fluids.
Breathe out.
I didn’t even know how to take care of a babe. I hadn’t had the greatest role model when it came to parenting, but I didn’t think I had to try all that hard to be better. More present. Loving. Caring—
I stopped myself. I’d have to get to the point where I worried about all of that.
My stomach dropped for the hundredth time, and I took another breath. And how would I do what was necessary while pregnant? I meant what I had said to Aios. There could be no choice between the two. My power was needed. There would be fights, and while it was harder to seriously injure me, the same couldn’t be said for the lives I carried inside me.
Hold.
There doesn’t need to be a choice at all.
Unclasping my hands, I placed one against my lower stomach. A year ago, I wouldn’t have hesitated to seek the aid of one of the Matrons. Accidental conception happened even when every precaution in the realm was taken. I heard the maids whispering in Wayfair and knew teas could be consumed, and I didn’t judge them. In fact, I was impressed by the fact that they could make that choice. Not a single conversation I’d overheard made it sound like it was an easy one. Many of them did so in tears, no matter the reason, whether it was because they didn’t feel financially capable, their condition was a result of a brief dalliance, or from force. I imagined if their situations had been different, many of them would’ve opted to keep the babe. Or maybe not. Either way, it never sounded like a flippant decision.
Breathe out.
But now? I didn’t think I could do that because these were Ash’s children. Ours. Mine.
My stomach turned over heavily, but for a different reason this time. Every couple of minutes, a tendril of excitement wove its way through the fear, panic, and disbelief, followed by something that felt damn powerful and pure. It was love.
How was that even possible? So quickly? It was the very last thing I’d ever thought to feel toward any babe, even mine. I wasn’t the parental type. I never, not even as a little girl who still had the ability to have those sweet, foolish dreams, saw myself as a mother. But, gods, I felt love for them. And it was as fierce as what I felt for Ash. Protective. As if that motherly instinct I’d heard others speak about had snapped into place.