Total pages in book: 362
Estimated words: 347293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1736(@200wpm)___ 1389(@250wpm)___ 1158(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 347293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1736(@200wpm)___ 1389(@250wpm)___ 1158(@300wpm)
“Why didn’t you?”
I lifted a shoulder and peeked over at him. “I didn’t want to.”
“I’m glad you didn’t. I thoroughly enjoyed shutting the fucker up.” One side of his lips curled up, but it didn’t soften the tension around his mouth. “But I thought for a moment that I might kill him. He’s not Hanan, but I was angry enough to do it—at least, it felt that way.”
I pressed my lips together.
“What he was saying?” Ash’s voice was level, but my essence throbbed in response to the angry rise in his tone. “About Kolis offering you to him? That wasn’t the first time I heard that.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, knowing where he’d heard it, even though I did my best to forget it. Kolis used to talk to Ash when he visited him in the Carcers. So did Kyn.
“It was said in front of you, wasn’t it?” he asked.
“Yes.” I opened my eyes and willed my heart to slow. “It was before Ione gave Kolis the confirmation that I was Sotoria.”
Ash went quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry.”
A tremor shot through me. “You don’t need to apologize. It was just a threat—an empty one at that.”
“It wasn’t empty,” he said, his voice roughening. “It was before Ione? That means you had no idea she would lie for you. His threat was a real possibility. And that…” He cleared his throat. “It had to be terrifying and enraging.”
It had been.
“And you must have felt trapped.”
I had.
I’d felt cornered and helpless.
“I know I did when he ordered me to feed—and to keep feeding—until there was no life left in those he turned me on after I pissed him off for something so irrelevant I can’t even recall what instigated his fury now.”
My breath caught as I looked at him.
“Sometimes, it was gods who hadn’t even entered their Culling. I used to wonder what they’d done to earn such a fate until I realized they had likely done nothing—or something insignificant.” He stared at the ceiling, his hands resting just below his chest. “If I refused—which I had before, though only once—I learned quickly.”
“What…what did he do when you refused?”
“He killed three gods.”
“Gods,” I rasped.
Ash’s chest rose with a heavy breath. “So, that was my choice. Were three lives worth me refusing to take one? I decided it couldn’t be. And for a long time, I didn’t know if I had made the right decision.”
“That’s an impossible choice to make,” I told him, my heart aching. “I would’ve chosen the same.”
“Yeah, and you would also wonder if you had made the right decision,” he said, and I didn’t need to confirm that. He was right.
“How many times did he make you do that?”
“Hundreds.”
Shock doused the rising anger, but I could still feel it building in the air around me. It took me a moment to get it under control. “I want to kill him.”
“As do I.”
“Those deaths are not on your hands, though.” My fingers dug into the blanket.
“I know that.” A muscle ticked in his jaw. “But every so often, I dream of being in Dalos, feeding and feeling the heart stutter and stop. Feeling the anger and desperation as I searched for a way out of what I was being made to do. I don’t think about it as much as before, but yeah, that shit can haunt.”
“I’m so sorry.” Tears stung my throat. “But I was lucky, Ash,” I whispered. “I wasn’t forced to do anything like that.”
He was quiet for a moment. “Evander?”
A jolt of surprise ran through me. “How do you know about him?”
“Keella told me when we were in the Thyia Plains before you woke up.”
Gods.
I couldn’t be mad at Keella, but I wished she hadn’t said anything. “It wasn’t like that.”
“What was it like?”
“It was…it was when Kolis brought me to court. There were Chosen there who had shed their veils and acted as servants. Some were rather friendly with the gods, but it was hard to tell, you know? The gods would just grab the Chosen.”
Ash said nothing as an image of Evander filled my mind, his eyes widening with shock. “I got angry at the way the Chosen were being treated, and when Evander grabbed one—Jacinta—and bit her… It was right after—” I cut myself off with a shake of my head. “Kolis led me to believe that Evander was forcing himself on Jacinta and told me I could stop him. So, I did.” The sight of the life fading from those shocked eyes filled my mind, and I flinched. “Then Jacinta started screaming. That’s when I realized he’d played me. Easily. Too easily. I should’ve known better.”
“How could you have?” Ash asked.
“Everyone speaks about how manipulative Kolis is. I saw it myself.”
“That doesn’t mean anything, Sera. Every situation is different, and I’ve seen him manipulate gods three times older than me.”