Total pages in book: 107
Estimated words: 101163 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 506(@200wpm)___ 405(@250wpm)___ 337(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 101163 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 506(@200wpm)___ 405(@250wpm)___ 337(@300wpm)
When the sun rises and the room starts to lighten, I lift my head to find Boone wide awake and staring at me.
“I love you,” he whispers. “I’ve got you always.”
“I’m so lucky to have you. I love you.”
CHAPTER 31
Boone
It’s safe to say that yesterday’s game was perhaps the most anxiety-provoking event of my life. It was the pinnacle of my hockey career to be playing in the first line in the second round of the playoffs in a do-or-die situation of game five in front of the home crowd.
But at this moment, I can say that yesterday was a walk in the park. Every gut-wrenching moment of that game, including the sound of the final buzzer ending our playoff run, was sunshine and lollipops compared to right now.
I freeze-frame this moment—burn it into my memory—as I take in the myriad of expressions within this room. Dr. Yoffe just walked in, accompanied by a middle-aged woman who I know is an emotional support counselor provided by the hospital’s hospice unit. Dr. Yoffe looks stoic as usual and the woman standing next to him has warm empathy suffused into every fiber of her being. I sense a calmness about her that is meant to seep into the rest of us but frankly, it’s not fucking working. Steven sits in a chair in the corner, hunched in on himself. He showed up about an hour ago with bloodshot eyes and unshaven face and I know if I were to stand too close to him, I would smell alcohol seeping from his pores.
And my Lilly… stiff upper lip in place, prepared to be the backbone in the room.
My gaze slides over to Aiden, sound asleep and unaware that his world is about to tip upside down.
Lilly and I never did get any sleep last night but when the sun rose I gently pushed her off my lap, and I sprang into action. There’s not much I can do today except offer support, but the first thing I did after using the restroom was head down to the nurses’ station to pilfer toothbrushes and toothpaste. I then stopped by the cafeteria for two large coffees and brought them back to the room. Lilly and I brushed our teeth and washed our faces in the bathroom sink. Aiden didn’t even flinch over the noise we made and it horrifies me to see how deeply he sleeps. It’s almost like he’s embracing an early death.
I shake that thought away, because the one thing Lilly said last night is that it’s in God’s hands. I don’t go to church every Sunday. Hell, I’m lucky if I go a few times a year. But I was raised Methodist and I believe in God. I pray regularly and he and I have had discussions about Aiden since the first time I met him. I believe in the power of miracles and I am not willing to give up. I’m not sure if Lilly feels the same way because she’s not an overly religious person. She wasn’t raised in any particular church and while we’ve had long discussions and I know she believes in a higher power, she admitted shamefully that any prayers she uttered would be like throwing darts at a dartboard, hoping one would stick.
That’s all right. I know my God will listen to whatever prayers she wants to give.
That does not mean I am not being realistic. I heard everything Lilly said last night and I know it doesn’t get any more serious when Aiden’s oncologists and a hospice worker are here to talk to him about end-of-life matters.
Nausea rolls in my stomach even thinking about having to have such a conversation with a person, much less a child.
While we were waiting for Dr. Yoffe this morning and Lilly was trying to get Aiden to eat some breakfast, I stepped out of the room and called my mother. I told her what was going on and she, without hesitation, booked a flight to Pittsburgh. Not ten minutes later, I got a text from my sister Claire who said she was coming as well. None of this was surprising and I never thought to tell them not to come. I’ll need them and they’ll help me be strong for everyone.
Dr. Yoffe moves closer to Lilly and puts a hand on her shoulder. “Are you ready to do this?”
She nods. She’s ready to tell her brother that he’s probably going to die. She’s ready to explain things and then ask Aiden to help decide how he wants to leave this world.
I feel like I’m going to vomit.
As Aiden continues to slumber, Dr. Yoffe moves across the room to Steven. “How are you doing?”
Aiden’s dad shrugs, staring at the doctor through bloodshot eyes. He doesn’t say a word.
Not that it matters… Lilly is the one the doctors talk to. She’s the one who’s in charge.