Total pages in book: 78
Estimated words: 73537 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 368(@200wpm)___ 294(@250wpm)___ 245(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73537 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 368(@200wpm)___ 294(@250wpm)___ 245(@300wpm)
He walked back out of the bedroom, shrugging on his vest over a black T-shirt I had washed yesterday for him. When he got to the door, he grabbed his keys from the table and paused before turning his gaze to me. “I’ll see you tonight,” he said simply.
Nothing more.
I nodded, and then he opened the door and left. It was the first time he’d done that without kissing me in a month. Since we had become whatever it was we were.
My vision blurred as the tears filled my eyes, then began to slide down my face. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Loving someone shouldn’t be like this.
I stared at the door, waiting, praying it would open back up and he’d walk back inside. The rev of his motorcycle was faint, but I heard it in the silence of the apartment. He was really leaving me like this.
Loving someone enough for both of you wasn’t easy. It seemed I was about to find out just how hard it could be.
Turning my head toward the kitchen, I let my thoughts go to the paring knife. The relief that would come from that would be instant but fleeting. The shame would come shortly after. It always did.
This time, I had to fight it. I couldn’t rely on someone else to be strong for me. I had to find that strength inside myself. When it all was stripped away, it was me I was left with, and that girl I had been was grown up now. I could overcome the past. It was time to conquer my demons.
The library was busy today, and that helped keep me from getting inside my own head. I focused on each task at hand and didn’t try and work through what had happened this morning. When I had first gotten to work, I had almost texted Micah that I was sorry—twice—but I’d turned my phone off and put it in the back office so I wouldn’t be tempted to pull it out in a moment of weakness.
I had nothing to apologize for. He did. I loved the man, but I needed to love myself too. Not cutting this morning had been a milestone for me. In the past, that would have sent me down a spiral. It made me feel stronger, walking out of the apartment this morning without hurting myself. It had been a small step, but it was giving me the will to take more.
“Do you mind running this book over to Professor Nobleman?” Zander asked as he held out a thick textbook to me. “I would, but there are five more books I need to pull for other inquiries.”
I took the book. “I got it,” I assured him. “Any other books I need to deliver?”
He shook his head. “Not at the moment.”
The art building was half a mile away, but with the traffic and parking, it would be faster to walk it over there. Heading out the door and down the steps, I realized too soon that walking alone was going to give me time to think about Micah. I tried to think about the essay I had to write for my psychology class and the dynamic with my mom as the point of interest. She’d never read it, so I should be safe from getting my earful.
The sun was extra bright, and I squinted as I stopped at the crosswalk. I wished I’d grabbed my sunglasses. This was sure to give me a headache. My eyes were sensitive. At least the pain of a migraine would dull everything else. Like the constant, heavy ache in my chest that Micah had left there.
“Dolly?” A female voice called out my name.
I turned to see Calista walking from the library parking lot in my direction. She was wearing a pair of skintight jeans, a sleeveless red blouse, and high-heeled black boots. Her long blonde hair was blowing in the breeze, and I hated that she reminded me of a shampoo commercial.
Why was she here? Had Micah sent her to explain things to me?
I held on to that hope tightly as I waited for her to reach me.
“Can I help you?” I asked her when she stopped in front of me with that perfect white smile of hers.
“Yes, I came to talk to you. Do you have a minute?”
“I’m taking this book to a professor, but I can spare a few seconds,” I replied, unable to keep the dislike from my tone.
“I shouldn’t have bothered you at work. It’s just that Micah told me you saw my text, and I feel terrible about you thinking it meant something it didn’t. He said for me not to worry about it, but I can’t help it. You seem awfully sweet, and”—she paused and gave me a small, apologetic smile—“Micah is…well, Micah. He doesn’t think about women’s feelings. I’ve been dealing with some things, and Micah listened to me last night. He’s always known me better than anyone else, and we…we’ve always had a connection. Time and distance haven’t changed that. He was able to help me with things and clear my head. Nothing more happened.”